I knew he’d say that. “Okay. I’ll let you.” I laughed, getting I’d have a guard dog for the next nine months.
He stepped away from me and shook his head. “No, seriously. We joked about my job being to provide the sperm, but you know that was only a joke, don’t you?”
My jaw dropped. Shit, he was really worried about this. I shook my head rapidly. “It was only ever a joke. I know you’re as invested in this as I am.”
He bit his bottom lip and nodded. “I’m thrilled and excited and really fucking scared right now, so I’m probably going to say stuff that might make you mad. Please don’t get mad.”
“You need to say this now, don’t you?’
He nodded. “I do. Even if you don’t listen.” His eyes were wide.
I wondered if he had more adrenaline coursing through him now than when he’d scored the opening goal today. “I’m listening. I sound like a radio psychologist.” I half-laughed, feeling worried about Jude and what he felt right now.
“I want you to move in here while you’re pregnant. I don’t want to miss things like when the baby kicks or seeing them grow inside you. I want to be able to look after you and know that you’re as safe as I can make it for you.” His shoulders sagged as he said the words. “I’m so happy that you’re – we’re – pregnant, but I’m afraid that my role’s over now until I have my allocated time with the baby.”
I swallowed back the sob. I could now blame pregnancy hormones on being so teary, in fact, crying at stupid things this week now made sense.
I wasn’t going to take away Jude’s joy. I didn’t want to go back to us being just friends either.
“We don’t need to have sex anymore.” I sat back down on the sofa and patted the spot where that deed had been done several times. “There must be a reason why it’s still advisable to have sex.” The idea of barren months ahead was not appealing.
Jude had started to laugh. “I can continue to provide my services.” His arms folded. “I read that some women get really horny in the second trimester.”
I started to laugh, one of my hands on my still flat stomach. “You’ve done your research.”
“I listed evidence why you should be here and not go back home. Your boiler being fucked really helped.”
“Did you break it?”
“Not guilty.” He shook his head. “Will you stay here? And I could say you can have your own room and all that like Nate did with Amber when she was pregnant, but I’d rather you just stayed with me.”
I looked at my toes, taking in the view because I knew in another few months, I’d go some time without seeing them.
“I’ll stay here. One of the new physios is looking for a rental, so I might rent my house out for six months so it isn’t empty. If I was by myself I’d worry myself stupid. You’ll keep me sane.” Some of the tension I’d had fell away.
Jude nodded and breathed out a lungful of air. “That’s good. I feel better. Can we carry on as we are? Whatever this is between us, and say, set a date when the baby’s six months old as to what we want to do about us?”
“You’re renegotiating.”
He sat down next to me, his arm coming around my shoulders. “Kind of. I like how things have been the last few months. I like you being here. I like the life we’ve been having. I’ve never gotten along with someone like I have with you.”
I was crying again.
He wiped my tears away with his cuff. “Has it been that bad that you’re crying over it?”
I shook my head, choking on a laugh that was also part sob. “I’ve liked it. I’ve been calmer.”
“It was all the sex. Those endorphins.” He took a deep breath. “I mean, if you meet someone you’re interested in you need to say. I won’t like it though. I don’t want any other man near you.” His tone changed to one I didn’t recognise.
“You sounded like you growled.”
“I think I did. Please don’t go on a date with that bloke from the accountants again. Simon what’s his name.”
“I’m not going on a date with Simon what’s his name. Promise. Or anyone else. I don’t need to.” I glanced at his sweatpants that were hiding as much as usual. “Have you eaten?”
He shook his head. “I can definitely have a takeaway. Are you still only eating toast and butter?”
All of a sudden I was desperate for a Chinese takeout. “Hot and sour soup, ribs, and crispy chilli beef in honey and chilli sauce.”
