Did he know what to do with it?
I’d kind of ignored most of them and just let them speculate, listening to them descend into conversation about other penises they’d encountered. I had told them that Jude knew exactly what he was doing, more so than any other man I’d been with.
It was those nights I remembered about now, my uterus starting to cramp, the rush of blood beginning like it usually did. I hated my body right now because it had betrayed me.
I didn’t have any more appointments or meetings this afternoon; I was technically done for the day, so I could sit here and find some equilibrium until the place was locked up at just after eleven, if I wanted.
I toyed with my phone, imputing data about my cycle, needing to do something practical.
A message pinged through, Jude’s name appearing at the top of the screen. When I’d mentioned it might take months for me to get pregnant – if it happened – he’d been relaxed about it, mentioning keeping his strength up would be the only problem, followed by a big grin, that was full of promises about how he was going to make this a satisfying experience for everyone concerned.
Jude:Want to grab a drink at Kitty’s Café? I’ve had good news about my Achilles.
I wiped away a tear that had decided to fall. It wouldn’t just be one. I thought about lying to him, because I didn’t want to rain on his parade if he’d gotten good news, but I definitely wasn’t up for a drink in public.
I wasn’t going to lie. That wasn’t fair on either of us.
Me: I’ve just got my period. Currently hiding in the toilets. Can we rain check?
Jude: Which bathrooms?
That meant he was on his way to find me.
Me: It’s okay. I’ve got supplies this time.
Jude: Not why I was asking. The ones near your office?
Me: Those ones. Honestly, I’m okay. Go celebrate with Jesse and Nate.
The door to the bathrooms opened seconds later. I knew it was Jude, whether it was the sound of his footsteps or just the way he charged the air with his own brand of electricity.
“Hey. Neva.” He pushed at the door, which was locked. “Let me in.”
“I’m on the loo.”
He laughed. “Yeah, nothing I’ve not seen before. Remember, I’m the bloke who doesn’t have boundaries.”
I leaned over and slid the lock . If we did have a baby, he would see a lot more during the birth.
“This is the sort of scene that takes any mystique out of our – agreement.” I hesitated over the last word, almost saying relationship instead.
Jude leaned against the side of the cubicle and smiled. “Not for me. I don’t work that way. This just means I know you better and that’s an achievement unlocked.”
I managed to smile. “You’re such a gamer.”
“Ex-gamer. Haven’t played for months. In fact, I’ve given all the age-appropriate games to Toby.” He shrugged. “What’s the plan? How do I get you to my house and tucked up in front of Buffy?”
I sniffed, more tears incoming. “I can just go home. You need to celebrate.” I pointed at his leg. “What was the news?”
“I’m ahead of schedule. Had a scan today – didn’t think I was having one – and it’s healing well. I can step up what I’m doing and we could be looking at a New Year’s Day return.”
I smiled. This was good news for everyone. The team was missing Jude, and although he was travelling with them to away games now and being in the dressing room for them and for home games, it wasn’t the same for anyone.
“That was the best case, New Year’s Day, wasn’t it?” I’d heard that date bartered around a bit after the initial injury.
He nodded. “I’ve figured that they tell you the best case scenario at first so you don’t go into self-destruct mode. I got told the worst case a week after which was no return at all.” There was a carefree shrug. “I’m hating not playing. I need to be back out there on match day rather than being on the bench.”
“I know. And you will be.” I really believed that. I’d seen him train and work with the physios, following everything they said to the letter, understanding why they were saying it too.
