He shook his head. “No can do, Neva. What we had – and it wasn’t just hook-ups, whatever you tell yourself – was the longest relationship I’ve had and the best sex. I’m not going to forget that, even if I wanted to.”
“Moving on then. Let’s acknowledge what happened and move on from that.” I felt like I was trying to barter with a merchant for a priceless vase.
He nodded once and folded his arms. It was obvious that his biceps hadn’t lost any muscle tone.
“I’ve acknowledged it and moved on.” He didn’t take his eyes off mine.
“Moved onto what?”
His grin was worrying. “You’ll find out in due course.”
CHAPTER8
Jude
It wasn’tthe first time I’d appeared in the online gossip columns and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but it was the first for Neva.
I found her waiting for me outside the physio room where I’d been scheduled with Amber, her expression only being described as stressed.
“Did you see it?” She folded her arms over her chest. “It must’ve been those girls in Kitty’s Café.”
“Probably.” I put a hand on her lower back and guided her along the corridor to a room which I knew wasn’t in use but was unlocked – I’d used it this morning to make a phone call to my agent.
Surprisingly, she didn’t fight me. I’d expected her to push my hand off her at the very least, or get a barrage of bad words. Clearly the gossip column had bothered her.
I closed the door behind me. Neva leaned against the physio’s bed. “You know that gossip doesn’t make any difference? It would happen anyway because we’ll be seen working together with this project.” The club would push the initiative on their media platforms and it could hit local news, if not wider. After the disaster of a high profile relationship I’d become a meal ticket for paparazzi – I just needed to say thank you to someone in a shop and I was in the middle of a whirlwind romance.
Neva nodded but without conviction. “I doubt it. I’m not in your usual girlfriends’ age bracket.”
I laughed because it was the only thing I could do. “There are pop stars dating women more than ten years older than them and not that much is said. Our age difference is a bigger deal to you than to anyone else.”
She didn’t say anything, her arms still folded, her expression tight.
“Neva, the only person who’s bothered by being older is you.” Maybe I was pushing my luck.
She shook her head. “Maybe.” She looked at me differently. “I want things at a different pace than you.”
I shrugged. “I have to meet with Ezra, so I’m not going to get into that with you. But the photos and gossip – don’t read it, don’t look for it. If you respond, they’ll make more of it. Say nothing and something else will become the dish of the day.”
“Okay. I’m sorry if it’s embarrassed you.” She brushed at an imaginary speck of dust off her jacket.
“What?” I took a step backwards. “What the fuck would’ve embarrassed me?”
“You’ve been associated with me.”
“Oh, fuck that. That’s the most stupid thing I’ve heard and I’ve spent the morning with Rowan and Matty trying to draw penises on each other.” We’d learnt that neither had any artistic skills.
I walked to the door. I didn’t participate in people’s pity parties.
“It’s just - ”
“It’s just nothing, Neva. You’re amazing. You’re intelligent, driven, curious, kind, sexy and you broke my heart when you ended it between us. Don’t try and make it seem like I would ever be embarrassed to be seen with you when it was clearly always the fucking other way round.” I left the room and closed the door, resisting every urge to slam it behind me.
I went home. I avoided Ryan and Nicky’s invitation to hang out and play pool, and dodged a call from my agent which I knew was about a deal from a sportswear company who wanted me to put my name to a new range they were bringing out that I wasn’t really interested in. I didn’t check my social media or my emails, because I didn’t want to see anything about me and Neva.
I went home and walked straight into my kitchen, faffing with the camera I’d bought and the stand, setting it up like I’d practiced a couple of nights ago.
I needed to focus on something productive, immerse myself in something that wasn’t how I felt right now and what I actually wanted to say. Four years ago I’d have not let the conversation with Neva go. I’d have stayed there, arguing, persuading, getting more and more involved, more invested and saying things that I couldn’t take back.
