Neva laughed and looked at me as if I’d grown horns with baubles hanging off them. “You carry on thinking that.”
My smile was different to hers. Nate hadn’t kissed me since the first time I visited his new house. I’d found him staring at my belly and boobs a few times, but he hadn’t said anything to make me think he wanted to pursue anything with me.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
“No, we’re just friends who had some fun and happened to get caught. We haven’t slept together since when we played Newcastle away.” Although I would more than happily recreate those nights again now. Hormones were playing havoc with my libido, and when Nate was around I was starting to struggle not to jump his bones.
Neva shook her head. “Then you’re blind. Did you like the cakes yesterday?”
I nodded, accepting the change of subject that was hardly subtle. “Yes. But you don’t have to keep making them. I’m not angry at you for anything, promise.”
She nodded, looking away again. “Thank you. It isn’t just that though.”
“What is it then?” I suddenly didn’t feel anywhere near confident about this conversation.
“I’m jealous that you’re pregnant. When I see you, I don’t have kind thoughts, which is terrible and I don’t really mean them, Amber.” She was starting to become upset. “Especially now you can tell you’re pregnant and I don’t think you realise it, but youglow.”
“I wasn’t glowing for the first few weeks; I was fifty shades of green.” I tried to add some humour.
She didn’t really even smile. “I know. I was worried about you. But that was what made me realise you were going to keep the baby, because if you weren’t, you wouldn’t have put yourself through that. It just hurt because you always said you didn’t want kids, and there you were, pregnant.”
I wanted to tell her that this would be her someday, although hopefully in a relationship where things were more straightforward, but I didn’t have a crystal ball so my words would be empty ones. “I’m sorry you felt that way.”
“So am I. I am happy for you, Amber. I just hope that this is what you want – a baby, on your own. I know Nate will be there – he practically glows when you’re around – but I hope you don’t have any regrets.”
The words felt mean. Unnecessary. This was what the cakes were for, because she really did hate me right now, yet there was no reason for it. I hadn’t done this to spite her, none of it was about her.
“I have no regrets. I didn’t plan for this, and I didn’t want it, but now it’s happened, I don’t feel anything apart from happiness about it. And I certainly didn't plan for any of this to upset you, Neva.” I stood up, feeling a pain in my pelvis I’d had a couple of times in the last week. I hadn’t googled it, or mentioned it, because I figured it was just part of being pregnant, but this time it did make me pause.
Neva stood up too. “Are you okay? What’s the matter?”
“Just a pain. I’m sure it’s nothing.” I sat back down again, catching the bit of breath I’d lost when it happened.
She rushed round to me, nothing but concern on her face now. “You need to get it checked out.”
I shook my head. “I really don’t. It’s a twinge. I’m due a scan in a couple of weeks anyway.” Four weeks, so more than a couple, but hey. I did know a thing or two about anatomy, and I knew that my bones were softening and the organs in my middle would be shifting, so it was more than likely something to do with that. “I appreciate your concern though.” Because it was genuine. “Neva, I can’t change what’s happened and what’s going to happen. If it’s too difficult to be around me, maybe we just pause everything until after the baby’s born.”
She gulped back a sob. “I don’t want to do that. This isn’t about you – it’s about me and what I don’t have rather than you. I’m so sorry.”
I stood up, ignoring the next slight pain, and gave her a hug, feeling her tears. “You’re going to make me fat with all your apology cakes and I don’t need any help with that right now.”
I heard her laugh, muffled through a few more tears. “They make me feel better.”
“That’s good then. I think everyone’s enjoying them.”
We broke apart from each other.
“I’m so sorry you feel like this.”
She nodded, wiping away her tears. “Thank you. And I’m glad you’re okay with what I did on Valentine’s.
My eyes narrowed, an evil thought occurring. “Where did you go after?”
She laughed, and this sounded genuine. “Not telling. A girl has to have some secrets.”
The tension lifted, almost all of it. “You have a secret; so does Genny – I’ll find out at some point who’s been involved.”
Neva laughed again, shaking her head. “It was nothing that anything could come of. For various reasons. Are you okay?”
