Another smile and she ran off.
Megs had been available. She told me off for not asking sooner when I called her to ask if she could have the girls in the morning, and then went through a schedule which sounded like she’d already had it planned. I suspected more was discussed behind the scenes of Manchester Athletic than most of us were aware; it had to be to make it a well-oiled machine, and reap the success it was now having, following the club’s promotion to the top flight of the football league a couple of seasons ago.
Ten minutes later and bang on time, Megs was at our front door, a huge people carrier behind her and a big smile on her pretty face when she saw Zara and Libbie.
“Have you got everything, girls?” She crouched down and looked at Lib. “We’re going swimming and then for pancakes.” She glanced up at me. “I’ll be back here at about four. If you need me to meet you anywhere else, just drop me a text before three.”
I nodded, putting a hand on each of my daughters’ shoulders. They were holding hands, something they only did when it was a new thing and they were feeling nervous. Part of me cursed Chan for not being here. This was never the plan; we were meant to bring them up together, her parenting full time, something we appreciated the luxury of her having, while I finished my career. Then it was her turn to do what she wanted, which was to go and get her degree. She’d always wanted to study history, then maybe work her way up to being a lecturer or something research-based.
Now neither of us had the chance at that life, and our daughters didn’t have a mother.
“Can you text me a couple of times. Let me know they’re okay?” I’d already asked Megs this. Twice.
She smiled, too knowingly. “Yes. And we’ll give you a call at midday. The plan is to take a trip to the aquarium after pancakes, with maybe a stop at the playground to go on the swings.”
Libbie looked thrilled. Zara looked thrilled because she copied her sister whenever she could. I felt slightly less guilty, although I did feel bad for making Megs go through all this again.
“Thank you. All their hats and gloves are in the bags for the playground.” Plus spares of everything, and extras in case.
Megs grinned, and I could tell she was trying to stop herself from laughing at me. “That’s good. I have a ton of stuff in the van too, so I think we’ll be okay. You ready to go, girls?”
They both nodded, slightly shy. I bent down and pressed a kiss to each of their heads. “How about tonight we watch a film?”
Zara was the first to beam at me. “A princess one?”
“A princess one.” I nodded.
“Then an adventure one?” Libbie’s taste had changed recently, and I suspected she was going to want to start playing football soon. She was obsessed with Rowan Reeves’ girlfriend, Dee, and now had a poster of her on her bedroom wall. There was no better person than Dee Jones, and if my oldest little girl wanted to be like her, then I was more than good with that.
“Yes. After Zara has gone to bed.” I whispered that in her ear, so Zara didn’t hear. I knew it was good for Lib to have some time just me and her, especially as she was at school, which meant Zara did get more of me during the day after training.
Her little shoulders relaxed and I ran my hand through her hair, which she liked to keep loose, unless it went up in a high ponytail like Dee’s.
“Have a good day, Daddy.” She turned around, releasing her sister’s hand and threw her arms around me in a vice-like grip. “I love you.”
I pulled Zara into the hug. “I love you too. Be good for Megs.” I knew they would be, but I also knew how anxious they’d be today too, without me or their gran or Chan’s best friend who’d helped out so much since my mother-in-law had become ill.
I stayed outside on the drive while Megs loaded the girls into her car and drove off, taking them out for adventures that Chan should’ve been doing. I’d moved on from most of those thoughts most of the time, and knew how to deal with them when they spun into my head like bindweed.
Chan had given me two perfect, healthy, amazing daughters. It was up to me to make sure they had the childhood they deserved and guilt and blame would not help that.
Me making the most of my life and owning my happiness would.
CHAPTER2
Amber
A Sunday morninghot yoga class, starting at eight, should really not be as popular as my list was showing it to be. Ten people had signed up, and two people not on the list were already there, stripping off and hanging coats, hoodies and sweats on the pegs in the small room outside.
I’d practiced yoga since I was eighteen, dabbling in different styles for ten years, until I braved my first hot yoga class with a teacher who had just the right voice to appeal to me. From that first class, despite almost passing out with the heat, I was a convert, and after two years of practicing the twenty-six asanas in hundred-degree heat three times a week or more, I decided to train to teach.
This was my dream. A hot yoga studio that I could use to get the best out of the players that I worked with and offer out to the other employees of the club. This morning, I had more staff joining than present, just Nate and Jude coming from the first team squad, plus a couple of the youth players and three of the coaches. Then Genevieve, the club’s mastermind in terms of organisation, and Neva, the first team nutritionist, were here. Two of the girls from the women’s squad were already in the studio, acclimatising to the heat.
But there was no Nate.
My eyes flickered to the door, expecting him to be walking through at any point, but also aware that I was probably going to be disappointed. I also scolded myself for even thinking about Nate in that way.
I didn’t do footballers. They were, by and large, selfish pricks who thought they were god’s gift to mankind, simply because they were worshipped for how they could kick a leather ball around. I’d made the mistake of dating one when I was a baby physio, and thought it was the real thing. It turned out, I’d been one of three real things, which everyone knew about except me. He’d found me sobbing in my treatment room, and when I’d lost my shit at him, he’d laughed and asked me why I thought someone like me would be arm candy for someone like him.
