Libbie’s beam was exactly what I needed because it showed my girl was happy. She gave me a big hug and then skipped onto the playground.
I watched her join in a game of tig, content that she was safe and well, and then checked my phone. Amber hadn’t responded since I’d sent the message about her yoga pants. I wondered if I’d gone too far.
Knowing that Libbie had a crush on Jude was exactly the thing that would amuse Amber though.
I opened my messages and found the messages between her and I, deciding that I may as well send it to her, and just not mention her yoga pants this time.
Me: Libbie has just told me she wants Jude to be her boyfriend. I have no idea what to say to that.
I tucked my phone in my pocket and headed back to my car determined not to keep checking to see if Amber had texted back. I was halfway to the training ground when the system in my car told me I had a message from Amber Ward.
It took three attempts to get the car to understand that I wanted to hear the message, by which time I was almost sacking off the training ground and heading to the car dealership.
“Do you want to hear the message from Amber Ward?”
“Yes.”
“Sorry, I didn’t understand. Do you want to hear the message from Amber Ward?”
“Yes.”
“Playing songs from Miley Cyrus. Would you like to hear the message from Amber Ward?”
“Fucking hell, yes!” I shouted at that point.
“Reading message from Amber Ward.You tell Jude in front of everyone and make sure I’m there to hear. Would you like me to repeat the message?”
“No.”
“Repeating message from Amber Ward…”
I managed to press a button to stop the staccato voice from reading it out again, my head slightly scrambled from her response. There was no mention of yoga pants and I was now bothered that she’d taken what I’d put in the message last night to mean I was just another footballer lech.
That wasn’t good. I didn’t want her to think that. I hadn’t flirted with a woman in years, even Chan, because flirting with your wife was something that didn’t happen after you’d been married for a few years. It hadn’t with Chan anyway.
A wave of sadness washed over me, as sometimes it did. Regret. Hindsight. Wishes on a pair of wings.
I parked up, turning off the engine and taking a few seconds just to breathe, thinking about Chan and our relationship, which before the end, hadn’t been the sweetest. She’d wanted more freedom, more opportunities to do more, and our life had been restricted because of my career, which was ultimately what paid for the lifestyle she adored.
I counted four seconds for an inhale, holding it for two, and releasing it for another four. I accepted what I felt, the regret, the guilt, because as my therapist had said, they were valid feelings.
But they didn’t have to dominate my actions, or my future.
I rubbed the stubble on my jaw, checked my teeth for any breakfast that might be lingering there and checked my phone. There was a message from Ryan about going round to his at some point – he was clingy at the moment because the woman he’d been seeing was over in the States, and he didn’t know what to do with himself.
I wasn’t going to respond to Amber, not by text anyway. I knew that she’d be in work today because there was another hot yoga class at ten – I’d checked the schedule the day before and she was down to teach it. I figured I could catch her beforehand, check in with coach and then maybe pick up the class.
But first I needed to apologise for my commenting on her yoga pants.
She was where I thought she’d be, in her treatment room, at her computer. I knocked before pushing the door open, stopping in my tracks when I saw what she was wearing.
Amber was athletic. I knew she practiced yoga religiously, and it showed. She was toned, lean muscle visible through the tight sportswear she generally had on. Today that sportswear was tight yoga pants and a sports bra, her middriff on show, meaning I got an eyeful of abs.
“Nate,” she gave me a surprised smile. “I thought you had the day off.”
I leaned against the doorframe and folded my arms. I couldn’t defend myself if she accused me of staring at her, because I hadn’t been able not to. How the fuck none of my teammates had tried it on with her already, I didn’t know. If they had, I was more than happy to tell them to back the fuck away.
“I wanted to come to your class.” I breathed in, took my time. “But I needed to apologise first for the text I sent you last night.”
