Having Rowan around Toby more was a conscious decision that I’d pained over. He’d seen his mum dating men who never hung around long, and never attempted to make an effort with him. For the most of it, she put them before him, leaving Toby with me to go on dates with them. I didn’t want to be secretive with Toby, so I told him Rowan and I were dating, had to explain what that was, and then make sure he understood that Rowan might not be around forever. It was a life lesson you only learned the first time your heart got broken: relationships weren’t all meant to last forever and that was fine.
The less awkward conversation had been with Rowan on our third date, after we’d had sex in the toilets of an upmarket restaurant that could be relied on to be discreet about their clientele. He’d asked how Toby was doing, and if he was less anxious about me going out. Toby had been anxious but was getting better. In a couple of weeks, I’d be away for two nights because we had our first away game of the season, so he needed to become used to me being away for longer. He could tell the time, and I’d found that calling him dead on the time I said went a long way to making sure he knew he could trust me.
I’d explained that to Rowan, who’d got it, and then suggested he did hang around mine a little more. If we stopped dating, we’d still see each other through the club, so it wasn’t like we could have a nasty falling out. We’d have to be adults about it, which meant nothing as adults were generally horrendous at splitting up, and not adult about it at all.
Toby knowing that Rowan was kind of my boyfriend didn’t stop us from having sex in places we probably shouldn’t. Restaurant bathrooms; the women’s showers at the training ground; an empty office we discovered in the admin area of the stadium; a taxi with a driver who got an extra big tip for driving back to mine the long way round. The sex was enough to put the spring back in my run and weirdly, my form improved. We won our first game of the season by three goals, and I scored one and had one assist, taking player of the match. I had more energy, and I was smiling more, especially when I saw Rowan in the crowd, Genny and Toby with him.
The men’s team had an equally good start, taking ten points from a possible twelve, Rowan picking up a couple of early goals, and three assists, the stories from the summer break disappearing under the praise from pundits and the crowd shouting his name.
For a few weeks, everything had been an enjoyable level of calm. My sister’s friend kept in touch, letting me know when she’d seen Joanne in social media posts, so I knew she was alive at least. But I’d heard nothing.
Until I didn’t.
It was the end of training, a pretty gruelling session that had entailed my legs feeling like I was running with lead in my trainers, and I had fantasies about an afternoon in the sauna and a swim. Rowan had a midweek away match, so my evening was planned with dinner with Genny and Toby, followed by watching the game on the television. Toby would be allowed to watch the first half, probably wearing the shirt with Rowan’s name on the back, which was now his favourite possession.
I didn’t think that Toby fully got that Rowan was more than my friend. Genny reckoned that Toby thought Rowan was round to see him, rather than me, because as soon as Rowan turned up, he’d always spend ten minutes or so kicking a ball with my nephew, which was cute, but annoying if we had to be somewhere for a given time.
I headed into the changing room, taking my bag out of my locker and checking my phone. Toby was now back at school, only when I’d dropped him off this morning at breakfast club, he’d not been feeling great, and I was wondering whether they’d have left a message for me to collect him.
They hadn’t. There was nothing from school. But there was from Joanne.
Hi! How RU? Hope Tobias is being good. I’m having a great time and feeling much better. Xx
I read it three times, my brain wheeling through all the responses from the ones I’d like to send, to the ones I should send, to a combination of the two. Not responding would only poke the bear, and Joanne would know I’d read it, thanks to technology.
Good to hear from you. Toby doing well.
I sent it, watching to see when its status was delivered. Two, three minutes, and there was nothing. The message was floating in purgatory. Joanne probably had her phone turned back off, and I suspected it would stay that way. I showered, got changed and headed to the swimming pool, catching Izzy on the way, who’d said she wanted to join me.
Two hours later, and I was sauna’d out, my muscles feeling loser after the heat and swimming. I showered off, washed my hair with whichever product was been thrown at us to try, and went to my locker, checking my phone with my fingers shaking slightly.
Bit short of cash as Toby’s child benefit hasn’t gone in to my account. Can you send me £200? X
I felt sick. The worry I’d not been letting myself feel for the last few weeks heaped itself on me in one large dump. I sat down on the bench and weighed up what I’d discussed before with Genny and a little with Rowan. If I sent her money, she’d ask for more. If I didn’t, she’d make things difficult with Toby. The latter would happen anyway, just sending money would delay it.
Sorry. I don’t get child benefit for him as I don’t qualify. Maybe see citizen’s advice and see what you’re entitled to.
It was delivered straight away this time. Three little dots started to dance and I stayed fixed to the screen, waiting to see what she’d come out with.
What do I do then? I can’t keep relying on my friends to pay for everything.
I didn’t need to think this time.
You can’t rely on me either. You can use the apartment here if you need somewhere to live, then you could get a job, like the rest of us. Or get a job down there.
It was delivered, but nothing came back. No message arrived in the next hour from her, or that evening. I checked my phone almost continuously during the match – a two all draw against Arsenal with Rowan picking up a yellow card. Toby was bouncy all evening, excited about the match, and completely oblivious to my mood.
Genny, however, wasn’t.
“What’s happened?” she asked, as soon as Toby had reluctantly gone to bed, because he wasn’t staying up until ten on a school night.
I passed her my phone and let her read the messages between myself and Joanne.
“Have you told your solicitor?”
I nodded, accepting back the phone. “She said I’d done the right thing. She has a solution with the apartment, but sending her money would just mean she’d keep asking for more.
“What’s the likelihood of her blackmailing you?” Genny sat up, searching for her handbag. She had an early start tomorrow, heading off somewhere with Gus, the men’s team manager.
