“I’ll miss you.” His hand gripped mine, fingers entwined.
He dozed asleep as the heat began to rise. I slipped off the mattress, gathering my clothes and dressing in the bathroom, hating every moment of leaving him, knowing I couldn’t stay. One more hour, one more day – everything in me craved for more, but I knew anything else now would make it so much harder. There would be no ease to this, no way to come out of it with anything of my heart intact.
I left without him waking, or maybe he did wake, and neither of us wanted to say goodbye.
Outside bright light stunned me, the warm air drying the tears that had started and I laughed, looking up at the sky and the Ibizan sun, because I had found my home and I was leaving it.
I spent the day packing,and talking to Lala. She was full of the joys of being back in the sun, and she’d just signed a contract to design beachwear with a company she actually liked. This led to a ton of content being developed for her social media accounts, for which I was forced to pose for a couple of shots in between trying to stuff far too much in my suitcase.
“I wish you were staying.”
I laughed, trying to blink away more tears. “I was never going to stay here as long as you.”
“We’re all coming to New York for Christmas – and I have more news.” She posed dramatically, like a showgirl introducing the starring act.
“Go on, tell me.”
“I’m spending next spring in Cali.”
“You realise that isn’t that close to New York.”
She tipped her head to one side. “Closer than Europe. This contract means I’m better being over there for a few months – I can be more involved. And I want to travel round the States – we haven’t really done that before.”
I could hear her excitement, her next big dream. For Lala lived from dream to dream, savouring every one.
“We’re both moving on.”
“Except you’re moving too soon. How was Tommy last night?”
He hadn’t texted me. I hadn’t messaged him. There were no words that could give a better ending, but the emptiness inside was one I didn’t think would be filled soon, or by someone else.
“Perfect.”
She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in close. I put my head on her shoulder and cried, listening to her words that tried to comfort, but didn’t even begin to fill the gap that was left.
We ate together that night,me, Lala, Daisy and Alfie. Crispin joined us, telling stories of modelling shoots and temperamental designers that made us laugh. I managed to eat and I managed to laugh, spending time in the present with people I knew would be there in each phase I went through. I tried not to think of Tommy, to not wonder what he was doing that evening, and when I went to bed, I focused my thoughts on New York, because in less that twenty-four hours I’d be there, exchanging the Ibizan skies for buildings and bustle.
When the plane took off, I watched out of the window as the island became smaller and smaller, until it was just a speck of sand in the blue sea. I thought of Santa Gertrudis, of cocktails and whether Tommy would make a Cherry Lady for anyone else this summer.
And then I thought of New York, of my course and the possibilities that lay ahead, trying to conjure some of the magic that Lala saw in everything and everyone.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Tommy
It took me a month to make a decision. I knew I wouldn’t be staying, so the time wasn’t wasted. I spoke with Maura, the bar manager, and Cara, the assistant manager atCòctels,agreeing a rise in wages and delegating responsibility. They’d both managed bars before, and neither flinched when I told them I was moving off the island – I just didn’t know where to.
Cara took on my apartment with her girlfriend, leaving me sleeping aboveCòctelsfor a few weeks, which didn’t matter. I wasn’t renting that out – it’d be where I left my stuff, what little I had – for if and when I came back.
Staying at the apartment hadn’t been the same since Jameson had left that morning. My bedroom smelled of her, even after I’d cleaned it out three times and washed the sheets. The shower felt haunted by words I hadn’t said, and leaving was a form of torture I hadn’t experienced before.
My mother once told me that a relationship ending was like a death in the family, you went through a period of grief and mourning. I understood what she meant – I’d endured it after Leila died – but this felt unfinished.
So I kept moving.
I woke up early, went to the gym, worked out, then I got started at the bar, creating cocktails for the late summer season, then over winter when it’d just be the island’s residents and the handful of people who came for a getaway. I developed the menus and ordered the stock, having a better idea than either Maura or Cara as to how much we’d need of what and when, because people were predictable.
In the evenings, I tried to socialise, with my staff and the handful of people I considered friends.
