“What do you want, Tom?”
My uncle darkened the room by standing in front of the window.
“Out.”
“How much?”
“You’re going to let me leave this time?”
He nodded, but didn’t look at me. “I spoke with my sister.”
Who was my mother. We talked a couple of times a week. I’d told her about Jameson, for some reason. She’d been excited.
“What did she say.”
“Let you go find your way. She said that before. And you’re a loose cannon, Tom. You would have gone to the police. You might still.”
“So you’re paying me for my silence?”
Colm nodded, then shrugged. “And it’s your money. Do what you wish with it.” He told me a sum that killed any words for a few more seconds. “Don’t ask for more.”
“We’re done?”
He nodded, his jaw tensing. “I get what you’re doing. I won’t lie and say I understand it or I approve, but if this is what you want, then take the money and run. But you’ll never not be part of this family. We won’t bother you, Tommy. But we’ll be here if you need us.”
“I hope I don’t.”
“Keep in touch with your mother.”
I didn’t move, looking at the door then back at my uncle. “Where’s the catch? I never thought you’d let me go.”
“I haven’t let you go, kid. There’s no sniper waiting for you downstairs; I haven’t called a hit man on you. You’re just getting the opportunity you wanted. And I get more time to work on my son.”
“I wouldn’t have gone to the police about what happened with Leila.”
“I know. I know how many times you’ve put this family first.”
“It wasn’t that. Leila wouldn’t have wanted it.”
Colm studied me. “There’s a lot she would’ve wanted, Tommy. Remember that. Don’t live your life for anyone but yourself – it’s one of the hardest fucking lessons to learn.” He looked at his phone that had vibrated a couple of times. “I need to sort this mess out.”
I nodded, and stood up. “Did Livi actually pay?”
“She did. Don’t be fooled by what her daughters say; she knows more about what happens on this island than most people. Now piss off and let me get some work done.”
I walked out, knowing it was going to be the last time I left that place for months, maybe years.
Maybe ever.
After Leila died,I was broken. The best part of me was no longer there and it was the fault of my own family. Somehow, I’d accepted over time that I couldn’t change what had happened, and today I’d realised that as a truth.
I drove across the island to Sa Talaia, the highest point of the island and the place where I’d come with Leila’s mother and we’d scattered her ashes, the last pieces of her blowing in the breeze of the island she loved more than anything.
Was I still here because this had been where Leila was for me, not because it was also where my family were, or most of them?
I sat for hours, watching the trees, the sky, the sea. I saw the planes coming into land and the boats heading towards the different jetties, bringing in tourists for a dash of Ibiza happiness.
I thought about what had happened when she’d died. I remembered, the fury, the hate and the anger that clouded every day for more than a year, and I remembered the tears I’d lost in front of no one but myself.
