“I know I don’t need. I want. That’s different. Make sure Livi doesn’t get herself a new boyfriend in the next couple of days.”
“I’ll try.”
We hung up, and I got changed to head down to the pool, still feeling that odd sense of emptiness that happens after an adrenaline crash.
Maybe tomorrow things would feel better.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Tommy
Islept on my sofa, not bothering to get changed. By the time I left Safir, I was running on empty and due to land hard from the last few hours. Part of me was still running on fight mode, and wanting to find Ash and take him down with another hit.
But I didn’t want to be that man who solved everything with his fists. I’d never wanted to be him.
When I woke, I’d find Ash and say everything I’d needed to say since he drove the car that ploughed down Leila.
I dreamed of Leila. I dreamed of her being in her garden, planting the veg she would later cook, hearing her talk of running her own restaurant. Nowhere in my dreams did I see the crash that killed her, because I hadn’t been there. My subconscious had been inventing what happened in the years since, but while I slept now it stayed quiet. Instead I saw her waving, walking away towards the sea, and I woke remembering how happy she’d always been.
How happy she’d made me. How she’d showed me a life away from the cruel world which my family perpetuated.
I woke to bright lights streaming through my windows, the shutters never closed the night before.
Today, everything between Ash and I ended. I’d say my piece, he could say whatever he wanted, and then I was gone. Maybe I’d leave the island, go back to Liverpool or Manchester or London, and set up a bar there. Be part of a community where I could run a clean business.
I stripped off on the way to the shower, remembering how Jameson had been in it last and how yesterday didn’t end like we wanted it too, and as the hot water from the shower hit me, I felt the loss of something I’d wanted to keep.
And it wasn’t just Leila.
The hot water both scalded and soothed, wakening me up and setting fire to my veins. I wanted to hit something, but more than that, I wanted to keep control. Because if everything else was bubbling, at least I’d be able to control my own reactions.
I guessed Ash would be at the offices, listening to whatever shit his father spewed, or spewing his own. Livi was due down there and Ash wouldn’t want to miss that, needing to cling to a small victory.
The scent of Jameson was still in my car as I drove the fifteen minutes to the hotel. I could’ve wound down the windows, cast out what she’d left behind, but I wanted to cling to it, keep it as a reminder. Or hope that she might see me again.
My parking wasn’t considered. I blocked in Ash, and one of his goons, making sure that a quick getaway wasn’t going to be possible. Winnie was knocking about downstairs, and he gave me a nod when he saw me, asking no questions and giving away nothing with his expression.
Neither did I.
I headed to Colm’s office, opening the door without knocking. He was sat down at the meeting table, a printed photo that was grainy and poor in quality in front of him. Ash sat there too, looking pissed off and bored.
“Morning.”
I took a seat at the end.
Colm looked up, frowning. “I thought we were done.”
I looked at the photo. It was of Ash handing money over to a guy I recognised as an affiliate of another organised crime group, one based in Liverpool.
“I needed to speak to you both.”
Colm pulled the photo away from the table and screwed it up, throwing it at the bin and missing. He swore and looked at Ash.
Ash didn’t move.
I got up and picked up the paper, dropping it in the bin. “I’d usually ask what’s happened because I’d have Ash’s shit to sort out, but we all know that’s not happening any more.”
“What do you want, Tommy?” Ash snapped.
