“Okay, Mummy. Make sure you kiss Seph goodnight.”
I decided not to walk into that trap, leaned over and gave her a kiss, pulling the duvet up a bit more.
“Goodnight, rambling Rose.”
“Night night.”
“What’s the matter?”Seph had his arm around my waist, his other hand on his drink, a Tom Collins that I’d tasted and decided wasn’t for me.
I knew I’d been quiet. Rose’s chat before she fell asleep had bothered me, and although I accepted that I had the right to a life other than being a mother, I hadn’t realised what affect that would have on my daughter.
“I’m okay.”
He frowned and shook his head. “My mother taught us that when a woman tells you she’sfine, she really isn’t, and I’m thinking that ‘okay’ is just another variation onfine, so do you want to tell me or shall I pretend that everything’s okay too?”
I sipped my Long Island Iced Tea, my third and I had a definite buzz. “I don’t know if we’re ready for this conversation.”
He eyed me. “Well, I know you’re not pregnant because you’re drinking, but I think we could’ve handled that.”
Something inside me turned to goo. I decided to ignore it for now, needing to be rational. I knew from experience relationships only worked when you talked, and this was a time to talk. At least I hoped.
“Where’s Ava?”
He nodded over to where his sister stood. “Talking to some friend. She’ll be ages. Tell me, I hate not knowing stuff and I might be able to help, whether you think I’m ready or not.”
I bit my lips together and cursed myself silently. It wasn’t fair not to talk to him. Nothing so far had shown me he wasn’t all in, or considerate of Rose and making sure he gave her attention too, so it wasn’t all about him and me. In fact, when she was around, none of it was about him and me. Yet she’d still picked up on something.
“Rose asked me tonight if I wanted a boyfriend.”
Seph chuckled then brushed my hair with his lips in a kiss that was sweet and tender.
“I thought you had one? Thinking of trading him in?”
I wrapped my hand around his waist, not able to look at him because I wasn’t sure what he’d read in my face. “She asked if you were my boyfriend, and if you were, did that mean I’d love her less.”
I braced myself for a freak out, remembering the night I told Rose’s father I was pregnant. I’d expected him to be pleased; we’d murmured sweet nothings about being in love with each other – turned out they were nothing on his part. Now, with this conversation, I was angsty, anxious that Seph’s reaction would mimic my ex’s.
He put his glass down, took mine out of my hand and put it next to his. Then both arms went around me, bringing me closer to him, his hands on the small of my back. It wasn’t sexual, he wasn’t doing his usual of trying to cop a feel, which he’d do with a huge smile on his face that was seven shades of dirty.
This was different.
“What did you say to her? And for the record, I am your boyfriend, at least I hope I am.”
Those were the words I needed to hear, words that made my heart tremble and my chest tighten, all in the very best way.
I ran him through the conversation, feeling his arms around me, the steady beat of his heart because he kept me that close. When he didn’t say anything, I felt panic rise, a tidal wave that I knew could drown me.
“You two look pretty serious!” Ava appeared, a mirage of blonde hair and a big smile. “It’s the weekend! Step out of work mode!”
I managed to smile at her, still holding her brother like he was my lifeboat.
“Give us five minutes, Aves.” Seph’s tone was serious, soft but serious.
Ava’s smile evaporated. “Shit. I’ve interrupted a moment. Eli, I’ve done a Payton. You promised you wouldn’t let me turn into my sister.”
He shook his head. “I’ll get another round of drinks in and give you some more peace.” His hand guided Ava to the bar, where she kept turning around and checking on us, saying something rapid to Eli.
Seph shook his head. “Eli’s going to have fun with her later: she’s definitely had three too many cocktails.”
