“No,” I shook my head. “I’ll be fine.” Because I didn’t care if there was turbulence or if the pilot sneezed. This was my second flight in a day; my third in just over twenty-four hours – I was clearly great for the environment – and I couldn’t even think of anything other than getting back to Liam.
“This isn’t your fault, Soph.” Seph’s words seemed to echo the ones in my brain. “It was an accident.”
“I know. I’m not irrational enough to blame myself.” But I did.
Vanessa and I used to joke about the bad fairy. If we spilt something on ourselves while we were out in a bar or restaurant, or bumped into something, the other would call out it was the bad fairy, getting revenge for something bitchy or minorly horrible that we might’ve done. Karma.
That was what I was feeling as I got onboard the plane. Any nerves about flying were erased. The talk between Andrew and Seph was a blur. It was as if all my senses had dulled to let me focus on just getting to the hospital.
When we were in the air, I breathed for what felt like the first time. I couldn’t do anything. I was completely at the mercy of the pilot and their second in charge and I couldn’t make it go any faster.
“Are you okay?” Liam’s dad leaned over. “You look pale.”
I nodded. I was okay. I had to be. “Just in shock.”
Andrew looked at me, not attempting to smile. “It isn’t the sort of news you expect every day.”
I took in his appearance: stressed, dishevelled. Tired. “How are you?”
“I’m trained to be good in an emergency. But this is a strange situation. I found out about Liam less than a year ago and finding out you have a son in his thirties who you could’ve given a better life to is tough. But I’m proud of him. How could anyone not be?”
“He’s amazing.” And I realised how much I believed those words.
“He thinks the same of you. We don’t speak a great deal – we’ll never have the relationship we should’ve, but in the last few weeks we’ve talked more.”
I hadn’t known that.
“He told me about how you started your business from scratch and how determined you are. In fact, there was one conversation and you were all he talked about.”
My eyes filled with tears. “When was this?”
“About two weeks ago. Tell me about you.”
I shrugged. I’d just about managed to keep the tears from falling. “I opened my first business when I was twenty. I’ve worked hard – I think there was one year where I pretty much worked every day Monday to Saturday and didn’t have a holiday. I've been married three times – although twice to the same man, but no marriage lasted a long time.” It was verbal diarrhoea. I had no filters and it was the same spiel I’d learned to give anyone who was questioning me.
“We all have a past, Sophie. Don’t apologise for whatever made you who you are. Do you read?”
Books. Such a safe subject. “Yes. Mainly romance and biographies though. Typical female. And business books.”
“I like biographies. I read one about Liam – unauthorised. It was an interesting read. I asked him about it shortly after we met and he said most of it was far from the truth. Now I wonder if any of the biographies that I’ve read have been that accurate.” He went through a few recent ones, Seph chipping in about ones that he’d read which surprised me – Seph didn’t strike me as having time to read as he was either at work, annoying his siblings or out partying.
It was a distraction. By the time we’d gone through films as well and TV series, we were landing.
“What did Max say about you coming here?” I managed to ask Seph as the plane descended.
“It’s Jackson who manages the practice and given you’re Van’s best friend, he was never going to pull his face. Max can sort himself out. He’ll have to find someone else to blame every time the photocopier stops working.” Seph shook his head. “He’ll cope.”
There was a bump and a grind of metal as the plane landed, the wheels hitting the tarmac of the runway. I knew we weren’t far from the hospital – about seven minutes once we’d picked up the hire car. I didn’t have to worry about collecting anything – as soon as we were off the plane, there was someone there to meet us - all courtesy of Liam’s father being someone fairly significant in international terms. I didn’t complain. I didn’t have the energy.
Everything was now taken up with wanting to know why it was my name that Liam had said. Was it because it was me he wanted there? Or something else. Anger? Hurt? I’d totally understand.
I just wanted the chance to find out.
* * *
The hospital was like any other. White, sterile, full of hushed voices and whispered tones. I felt like a ghost as I walked the corridors to the intensive care unit where Liam was. I used the soap on my hands, followed the nurse’s instructions given in broken English and followed her through the ward like a lost puppy, past the nurses station and into a private room.
Nothing ever prepares you for when you see someone you love lying unconscious, with tubes feeding up their nose and cannulas in their arms. Liam was pale, one eye was black, the bruising harsh and nightmarish and he had a dressing on his head.
