“But you’re getting married, and correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re getting your freak on together, aren’t you?”
“Nice choice of words.”
“It’s the writer in me.”
I let that go, mainly because I didn’t have the emotional capacity right now to process it.
“I thought we were past the whole fake relationship thing.”
“So did she. You could tell.”
“Did she say anything?” I felt like the teenaged boy I’d never been.
“Not exactly. But she wasn’t thinking it was fake anymore. None of us did.”
I heard chewing, which meant Seph was probably eating breakfast as we spoke.
“She’s flying back on her own. There’s apparently been a fire at one of her spas. I guess her head will be a mess too.”
“All of that and more. I’ll meet her from the airport.”
“How will you know her flight?”
“I have my ways.”
Which probably meant he’d flirt his way through data protection checks.
“I’ll talk to you later.
“You will. And don’t worry. Enjoy the pools. Fuck knows I wish I was where you are.”
I didn’t want to be anywhere right now. “I just want a chance to talk to her.”
“You’ll get it. She’ll just need to find her words first.”
“What if she wants out?”
“Then you’ll move on. No one died of a broken heart. Got to go. Max is roaring.”
The call ended.
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
* * *
When I was a kid and my head was a mess I used to walk round London for hours. A few times I was picked up by the police because my care home had reported me as missing. Sometimes I got into fights or ended up fucking up someone’s property and the police got involved then, but most of the time I walked miles.
When I got my licence and my first ever banged up car, driving replaced walking. I didn’t speed. I didn’t take those risks, mainly because hurting anyone who didn’t deserve it wasn’t on my list of things to do. I could drive for hours on quiet country roads, once I’d found myself in Scotland without even realising I’d crossed the border.
I did the same now, getting in the rental car and hitting the road, aiming for the lighthouse where I’d taken Sophie to watch the northern lights.
My head cleared as the scenery sped by. I had fleeting thoughts of the plane, wondering if she was okay on the flight. I remembered viewing the house, talking about the master bedroom, seeing her face when I mentioned it being ours and wondering then why she was hesitant. It was after she’d spoken to Amber.
I had to let it go. Leave it be and give her time. Decide what it was that I wanted and if I didn’t get that, then what was my next move? Back where I was before and that wasn’t such a bad place to be. I thought of the property, of the hotel being for sale, of the wedding that was planned.
Mountains and lakes passed by. The clouds in the sky thickened and the snow started to fall heavier. The light was barely a glimmer and the roads were starting to slip.
I was thinking of red and yellow flowers when I saw a lorry coming towards me skid on the road and start to jack knife.
