Blair stops, looks at me with parted lips and I remember the last time we fucked. Her eyes shine, but not with happiness and then she’s closer and in my arms. I whisper words and hold her, promising things I’m not sure I can ever deliver, if I’ll ever be allowed to.
She’s warm and smells of the musk she uses in the shower which reminds me of the mountains and the clouds. And her.
It’s now I know. This is what it feels like to love someone more than yourself. To be in love.
I tell her then. With Micky standing a few feet away, watching us with hawk-like eyes. With the mountains and the loch and the persistent rain that replaced the snow a week ago.
She doesn’t say the words back and it doesn’t matter because I don’t need them. Just her.
To be safe.
And it’s now I understand why Ben left because it doesn’t matter what he has to give up, as long as she’s safe.
My words continue, promises I want to be able to keep, and even though it’s cold and damp and the rain is filling the air, I’m so warm inside and my arms are full of her.
When she steps back she’s crying but there’s a smile there too. I wipe away the tears and drop my thumb to her lips. She takes it between her teeth and her eyes glimmer with more than saltwater.
“Majken.” She says the name as I move my hand away. “Majken attacked William.”
I nod.
“Has she been arrested?”
“She left before the police arrived. Disappeared. There’s a warrant out for her arrest.”
Micky steps forward. “Let’s have the sense to go inside and not get pneumonia standing here.” His face is carved from stone, his expression giving nothing away.
We head inside, through the castle hallways, past radiators blazing with heat and ancient tapestries that don’t suit Blair at all, but are this castle.
“How’s your dad?”
She glances up at me. “Hanging on. He’s a stubborn bugger.”
“Does he know about Ben?”
She nods. “But he doesn’t remember. Or sometimes he does, but his awareness is intermittent now. The drugs.”
Her hand slips into mine and in the freedom that the castle offers, we can walk like lovers without the prying eyes of anyone.
Micky’s office is Ben’s too; a shared space. His computer still sits in the corner, under the window, his notepads are there too and there’s even his scarf over the back of the desk chair. It’s like they’re waiting for him to return at any minute and this gives me my first insight into what Micky thinks of this, of Ben’s disappearance.
“What do you know?” Micky doesn’t wait for a polite discussion. “Why’s Majken attacking your PM?”
“For his phone. It should be secure. But I guess we’ll find out in the next few weeks just how secure.” And William hadn’t yet disclosed exactly what was on there.
“Why is she targeting him? It’s pretty fucking clear there’s no way William’s going to last much longer as leader of his party.” Micky looks at me.
“For what’s on his phone. And what she can do with it. Who she can sell it to.”
There will be enough stored on it to cause trouble for Blair. Messages he’s sent, photos, things to do with Elise, the shit I know he comes out with because he can and he thinks he’s untouchable.
And Majken’s Ben’s sister, so she’ll know that this will send ripples, maybe a tsunami, through to Blair. Maybe that’s who it’s aimed at.
I look at Micky. “Do you think Ben’s involved in it?”
“That’s asking me if I think Ben’s a traitor.”
“Do you?”
