I get off my stool, picking up my chips. “Do you play poker?”
“Everyday.”
* * *
We play against each other on a table with four others. The lack of words is both a comforting and oppressive; I feel relief at having something other than the dull ache Ben has left.
Isaac wears his poker face well, giving nothing away. Micky taught me to play when I was eighteen and needed something to do other than look pretty and cut ribbons. The stakes tonight aren’t high because that’s not the point. I’m not here to make anything.
Two of our competitors throw down their cards, nothing left to bluff. My hand is strong, but not unbeatable.
I glance at Isaac, who looks back. His eyes dance, challenging. There’s no way he’ll give up, but I don’t think that the cards are what matters here. He’s playing for something different.
I add more to the stake. He copies and the other player folds.
Isaac and I continue and I have to keep my eyes on my cards rather than him, because I’m afraid my face will give away more than the hand I have.
Isaac calls.
He beats my full house with a royal flush.
It seems he holds all the hearts.
We walk away from the table, heading towards a private room that I have booked. My room for the night is just above, giving me a view of the city. My view right now is of Isaac.
He closes the door behind us.
“You’re a good player.”
“Thank you. Why did you want to find me?” My heart races and I don’t know if I want to go or stay.
“Ben.”
“I need more of an answer than that, Isaac.”
“I wanted to check you’re alright.”
The tears I’ve been choking back all week bubble up into my eyes and throat. I fight to press them back down, taught never to show weakness.
I know so little about this man.
“What’s Ben said?”
He knows too much about me.
Isaac strokes his beard. “Not much. Mainly that you’ve fallen out.”
“Why would he tell you that?”
Isaac doesn’t say anything.
“That’s not fair. You know plenty, it seems about me and Ben. You saw us together. In Antigua.” It’s the first time I’ve spoken of it. “You watched him fuck me.”
The poker face he’s been wearing all evening finally slips.
“I’m sorry if I encroached on your privacy.”
“Did you like watching him fuck me?” The tears aren’t there anymore. Instead there’s something else, something darker. Something that burns.
