He’s slow at first, opening me up, giving me time to adjust. I see the control on his face and how his eyes are watching my every response.
Every time we’ve slept together he’s made sure I’ve come, usually more than once; then he’s taken what he needs.
“I don’t want to stop being inside you, Blair. I don’t want to stop coming inside you. But I can’t have you the way I want.”
“So have me the way you can.” I pull my legs back, letting him go deeper. My body shivers and I grip onto his arms.
He thrusts faster, harder. I hear myself moan and say his name, knowing I’m close to orgasm, a different type of one this time, one that will tear me apart.
His body hardens. I feel his cock swell bigger inside me. I’m vulnerable and open and held together only by him.
When I come I go blind and deaf. I can only feel.
He says my name as he loses control, spilling his seed into me, moving deeper and closer, then his lips are on mine and our teeth clash.
Our bodies shake and we hold onto each other until we become still, the rain tipping down around us.
We stay there, wrapped in each other, just kissing and touching. Naked in each other’s arms.
Eventually, the rain ceases, but we don’t move.
“This should’ve been what my first time was like. With you.” I whisper the words and half hope he doesn’t hear them.
“I know.”
“Did you want to? You know, back then?”
He laughs quietly. “I don’t know how I didn’t.”
“Do you wish we had now? That we were properly together?”
His kiss is tender. “Yes. I wish we could be together now.”
“Let’s do it.”
“We can’t, Blair.”
“Why not?” I feast my eyes on him.
“Because there’s more stuff going on that you don’t know about. And the first thing I have to do is keep you safe.”
“You can do both.” I sound like a petulant spoilt child and I hate myself for it.
“I wish I could.”
“But we can carry on like this.”
He freezes.
I clutch on harder.
“No. I should never have gotten involved again.”
“No.” I sit up, still naked. “You don’t get to make the decision this time.”
His hands land on my waist, stilling me.
“I have to.”
