“But stopping makes it all the sweeter…”
“You’d be surprised.”
Elise’s eyes brighten. She wants the gossip and earlier, when we were younger, I’d have told her. But that trust is no longer there.
“How are things with Lennox?”
She smiles, but there’s no dreamy look. “Hard work.”
“Is it worth it?”
Her legs are tucked into her chest and she holds them into her. “Blair, I’ve been in love with your brother since we were fourteen and he helped me find my way out of the maze.”
Her words freeze me. I had no idea that anyone other than Ben and I went in there. As far as I knew, Lennox would’ve preferred it be turned into an area for outside functions with a neatly manicured lawn or when he was younger, a skateboard park.
“I don’t want him to break your heart.”
“What makes you think I won’t break his?”
My book is well and truly forgotten. “Elise, He’s never stayed faithful to any woman.”
“But he needs a wife.”
“He can be king without a queen.”
Her face pales. “But he won’t. He gets how to play it, Blair. He knows that better trade deals will bring more into the Scottish economy. We’re lost without England…”
“And stop there. I hear enough politics from Lennox and my father.”
She shakes her head. “Just because you don’t understand.”
I start to laugh, knowing that if I don’t, laughter will be anger instead. “I grew up in this house. I learned the jargon before I finished our reading scheme. Don’t tell me I don’t understand something that you have no clue about.
She doesn’t answer back.
“I’m sorry.” I shouldn’t be apologising, not when I meant every word.
“I just want to be part of something, Blair. Part of something where people will remember my name.”
“Then do something to earn it. Trying to dig your claws into Lennox might not be all you hope it will.” Because he’ll never love you back.
“Then we’re both hopeless cases. Me in love with a king who won’t settle and you in love with the hired help.”
“That’s very poetic.”
“You didn’t deny you’re in love with Ben.”
“I have no idea what I feel for him. Apart from that I miss him.”
And Isaac.
* * *
I head to the stables when Elise leaves for the day. She does still have her job, as much as she doesn’t want – or really need one – and she has to be in Glasgow in the morning. Summer has paused itself, and we seem to be having an early taste of autumn with rains and grey skies. I like this weather. It feels normal with its lack of colour. I need to feel non-descript, just like the rain.
Somehow I know that Ben is in the stables even before I get there. The air feels too still, as if the particles are waiting for the show to begin. I’ve learned over the last few days that I don’t like to be ignored or avoided and I know that’s been Ben’s game.
His horse is in the stable, poking his head over as I pass. I look in and see Ben grooming him, his face all stony concentration.
