Not physically.
He could crush everything else.
Teeth clash; he bites my bottom lip, I suck his. Our tongues explore and my body ignites. This is how I felt when we were kids, only now it’s real because there’s no reason for him to stop.
Only there’s always a reason.
I push my fears away, instead losing myself in the feel of him. A part of my world is back in the right place only I’m not sure how long it will stay there.
I hear a moan and realise it’s come from me. I’m wet between my legs and if he suggested we stripped and fucked by this stream, I’d agree but I know his resolve is better than mine.
This is our last first kiss and if it’s all I have from Ben to get me through the nights that will follow until I’m too old to remember, I’ll take every single second and memorise it.
A horse murmurs. The wind turns up a notch and the sound of a bird of prey fractures the quiet.
We pull apart and pause, looking at each other as if this is the first time we’ve seen something. Ben calls his horse and mounts him; I copy.
“We should get back to the castle. We’ve been out too long.”
We have.
Eleven years too long.
Chapter Eight
The cool breeze licks at my skin, causing goose bumps. It’s a perfect day; blue skies that aren’t peppered with any clouds and a calm turquoise sea in the distance, a distance I can see from my sun lounger. It’s still, maybe too still and I can feel a slow niggle of impatience. In a few more days this will have gone and I’ll never want to leave, but right now my book holds no interest. I’m restless, and another swim in the pool isn’t going to tame the need to ride or move or run.
It’s the third day and I’ve been here alone which up until now has been almost paradise. Ben has come and gone, keeping his distance after our ride together, our kiss, leaving me with the conundrum of assumptions and guesses about him.
It had always been like this.
“Blair, your brother’s twenty minutes away.”
Nina is one of our staff at home, and although the residence we have on Jumby Bay Island is fully staffed with people who have been vetted and are used to being discreet, it’s been tradition to take some of the people who work closely with us, partly so they can have a holiday too.
Nina is a secretary for the castle and can work from anywhere. I know she’s been working today, mainly sorting and rearranging my brother’s diary so he could come out earlier and stay a bit longer.
I sit up, loosening my damp hair. The intentions I have of making myself presentable for the future king are none, besides, at some point he’ll probably throw me into the pool and then dive in himself, fully clothed, because that was Lennox. Especially when he wasn’t on duty somewhere.
Missing Lennox wasn’t something I’d ever done. The world was a small place and we were never far apart for too long – sometimes not long enough.
“Who’s picking him up?” I sit up properly, stretch my legs. Twenty minutes is enough for another swim or some yoga, or a few minutes of peace with my book that’s becoming more appealing now Lennox is arriving.
“Ben. The driver from the estate offered but, you know, security.” She smiles. “I can’t believe how Ben looks now.”
I forget that Nina has been working for us for years and will have known Ben when we were younger.
“He is a bit different.”
“He still looks at you the same, though.”
My attention’s been caught now; I’m curious as to what she’s seen and noticed, and worried too. If Nina has noticed how he looks at me, then so has my mother and maybe my father.
“How does he look at me?”
She laughs. “Like he’s scared of you but doesn’t want to be.”
I’m not sure that’s the answer I wanted or expected to hear, but I can’t ask because my brother’s laughter is carrying across the still air.
