He leads me down a wide hallway, past rooms with no one in them. In the distance I can hear music, a piano and a singer, something to keep the silence away.
Ben puts his free hand on top of mine that’s linked into his arm and I interlace my fingers through his. He grasps back and I take a quick look at his expression. His eyes look to the floor and he’s fighting something.
“Ben.” I tug his arm till he stops walking.
“Whatever the reason is that we can’t carry on what we’re doing, we need to find a way round it.”
The English Secretary of State passing us, not sparing a glance. We all carry our own crosses here.
He checks a door handle and finds the room open, we enter, closing the door behind us and Ben blocks it with his back.
“It’s been shit without you this week.” He stuffs his hands in his pockets.
“It was your choice. You were the one who said it was too difficult.”
He grits his teeth hard enough for me to see his jaw clench. “It is. That’s the problem.”
I shake my head. “You don’t get to say that without explaining and so far you haven’t giving me a rational reason as to why we can’t at least carry on what we’ve been doing.” When Lennox marries Elise I’ll be free to an extent. The world won’t judge the same way as they would if I was still Scotland’s princess; they’ll have Elise and a Royal wedding instead.
“I compromise your safety.”
“So we keep it to ourselves.”
He looks away. “Maybe I don’t want to hear the speculation of you dating other men or see them trying to get to you.” When he looks back at me, his eyes flicker.
“What about Isaac? How well do you know him, Ben?”
“Better than you think.”
I shouldn’t feel the way I am. I should be walking out of that room and into the arms of someone who understands my position, of the family I’m born into, of the faint line I walk. Someone who will make me a wife where I can continue to be a chandelier, have children, support my charities, be a figurehead. I shouldn’t be standing here, looking into the eyes of a man who I know has the power to kill me, and I shouldn’t be feeling the place between my legs get wet and hot at what I think he’s saying.
He’s a player, Blair, and not just with women.
I haven’t just stepped into a tangled web, I’ve become one of the threads, equally bound and equally binding.
“You and Isaac?”
“No… yes, shit. This is fucking complicated.” He pushes his hand through his hair. “Blair…”
I put my hands on his face, making him look at me. “Have you slept with him?”
My heart is aching, pounding. I feel sick and jealous and needy all at the same time.
“Yes.”
“When.”
“After you thought my sister was someone else.”
Too many colours hit my brain, too many images. I need his words. “Did he fuck you or did you fuck him?”
He looks at me, a damaged, scared boy.
“Or was it both?”
Something crackles. My ears pound with the blood that’s racing through my veins.
“Do you want details, Blair?” Ben’s voice is low; he stands up straighter, his hands taking my wrists and gripping them. “Do you want to know how I fucked his mouth and talked about how tight your pussy was while I did it? Shall I tell you what he said about you while he was fucking my ass? Do you want to hear every little detail? Because he did about you.”
