“Since when?”
“You want the truth?”
I nodded.
“Since I knew it was you I’d be filming with. Didn’t feel right anymore.”
I wanted to ask why but I didn’t want the answer.
“How come you’ve never settled down with someone? Not with someone like Matt, but I always thought you’d meet another Jonah. One who wasn’t into guys.” His tone was gruff and his eyes were fixed on the pool.
“I couldn’t stay put.”
“What do you mean?”
I shrugged. “I took a permanent position when I graduated in a small practice, one that was out in the country towards Norwich. Farm animals mainly, horses, and then some small animal work. It was perfect, until it wasn’t.”
I saw him nod, although his eyes weren’t on me.
“I realised that if I wanted, this could be my practice until I retired. I liked the community and the work, the senior partner was brilliant. Talented and a genuinely good guy, about eight or nine years off retiring. And then I felt trapped.”
“So you upped and left?”
“I gave notice. Six months or longer if he still needed to find a replacement. Then I found a short-term contract covering a maternity leave in Galway. After that I kept moving, making sure I did a locum stint locally every few months so I could spend time with my mum.”
He nodded. “Where next? After this?”
“I’m locuming in between filming. Then I don’t know. This production will have given me enough cash in the bank to do a stint out here volunteering, so maybe back to Botswana. Although I’m really not sure. I need to see how my mum’s doing.” The old daughter’s guilt landed, reminded me that no matter how far I moved away, I’d always have that tie back to her, to where I was expected to one day settle down and be what other people needed.
“Why don’t you take some work at the zoo? They’re looking for another vet and someone with a specialism in hooves.” He rolled his eyes. Horses weren’t Callum’s favourite. I remembered when he’d been kicked by one and it has sent him flying into a heap of manure.
He was talking about me working at the same place as him, seeing him most days. I stopped myself from analysing it, not sure if I was reading words that really weren’t between the lines at all.
“Maybe. I have no idea where I want to be yet.”
“I get that. Spent nine years as a nomad.”
“And you’re happy you have a proper base now?”
“To the extent where I didn’t really want to do this job. The zoo was keen for me to come out here and film, because of the donation that they would get and my increased profile.” He shook his head, not smiling.
“What changed?”
“My family were glad I was back and going away again has made them worry I’m back to my old ways.” He stretched, his t-shirt riding up and exposing the abs that were smattered with dark hair. I’d become very well acquainted with those abs. It hadn’t been a hardship.
“And are you?”
“No. Claire and Jackson have kids now and it’s good to be around to see them. And to watch how they cope with small versions of themselves.”
“You’ve changed.” There were flickers of the boy he’d been, the damaged creature that had kept people at arm’s length, not with claws but with a sweet smile and self-assurance.He didn’t need anyone, when actually he’d needed everyone, he just didn’t know how to.
“Have I? I spoke to my father.”
“You know you’ve changed if you spoke to your father.”
“He sounded old. He had a stroke over a year ago; a mini-one. Max said I needed to talk to him.”
“Max is probably right. Clear the air.”
