“He’s working.” Marie looked at her. “Which I’d have thought you’d know, being that you work in the same building.”
“Part time. So not Thursdays and Fridays. I forgot, he has a big four-day trial next week. Oh well, we all had to do it.” She sunk into the chair, Eliza starting to scramble onto her knee, cuddling into her mother.
The conversation flowed from law to the university where Max and Victoria both worked, to local gossip and Callum’s farm. We ate dinner, drank wine, played with Eliza until she fell asleep, shortly followed by her father and then I noticed Callum’s face pale when he looked at me.
The email.
I didn’t know why I hadn’t read it yet. Fear? The discovery of something I didn’t want to know, that Callum thought I was a temporary fit or we had an expiration date.
Or something else that I couldn’t handle.
I excused myself and slipped away to the room we were using. Marie had kept all of her children’s bedrooms, simply redecorating them. Callum’s was minimalist in greys and whites, pictures on the walls of sunset scenes, probably in Africa.
My phone was in my bag. I hadn’t expected any calls given that my mother was as well as she could be and she had people there with her anyway. Callum’s email hadn’t been opened. I’d left it sitting in my inbox, waiting for a time when I had the steadiness to read it.
No rush.
Read this when you’re ready.
Was I ready?Yes. Now I was ready.
I read through the email, then again, pushing away tears with the back of my hand.
You make me a better person.You make me want to live more.
I love you.
My feet carried me outside,heading to the copse where Callum’s father had made a secret garden. I didn’t want to cause a scene and I knew I couldn’t cope with noise right now.
Callum Callaghan, the boy everyone had wanted to make theirs, had told me he loved me. The teenage girl that still lived inside had a little party. The woman was stunned by the enormity of it all.
But she was having a party too.
A blackbird called. There was a flutter above me. A ray of sun cast through the trees, the rain having stopped some time ago.
Brightness. Everywhere was bright.
I reread the email. It was raw, true. He meant every word. But he was wrong; he was good with words. And I wasn’t running away.
I started to type, my fingers clicking the wrong keys.
FROM:[email protected]
RE:RE: No rush
DATE: 5 July
I’m not running.
Don’t think it’s because I don’t have anywhere to go. It’s because there’s nowhere else I want to be.
When you told me you wanted more, years ago, I didn’t understand what that meant for either of us. I was scared. You were so much – my friend, confidante, supporter and I was afraid that if we became more I’d risk losing that because I wouldn’t be enough for you and that you wouldn’t be able to give me enough.
But people change. You’re still you, the beautiful boy who always preferred animals to people, but you’re no longer the scared cat who shows his claws when someone strokes him for the fourth time.
You say I brighten your world; you bring the colours to mine.
