“I did. It was better than a one night stand with a stranger. But I didn’t have relationships with them. I might’ve had them on social media so we could message if we were out but nothing was more planned than that.”
She could tell by his tone he was concerned about upsetting her, even though he’d done nothing wrong.
“I get it. I just wondered why you didn’t see me and think that we could’ve had a friendship with benefits.”
“Because we’ve never had a relationship with benefits, Ray. Look at us. This started out when I saw you in your pyjamas and wondered what was hiding underneath them.” His lips touched the top of her head. “Then we were spending all the time we could together, with my kids.”
“Pretending it was just friends.”
“I think it stopped being ‘just friends’ the week after we first slept together.”
She wrapped her legs around his. “Are you scared?”
“Of what? You? I’m fucking terrified.”
Rayah lifted her head and turned to look at him. “You’re terrified of me? I’m half your height and width.”
“Yet I’m petrified that you’ll think one day I’m not good enough for you because I think you’re incredible and amazing and I always have.” He didn’t seem afraid by his declaration, not that it surprised her. Jonny had always been straightforward; he wasn’t one to hide behind an elaborated truth.
It made her feel brave. He knew her and she didn’t have to hide. “I’m glad you’re a little bit scared because it makes me feel better. I didn’t think you’d look at me twice.”
He chuckled. “I looked at you plenty. I just didn’t see until I was out that night. And when Robyn mentioned how I looked at you and that Charlie had noticed.”
She smiled, resting her head back on his chest. “Are we doing this for real? As in telling the children?”
“I want to. I just need two things.”
“What are they? You know I have no issue with blow jobs and back door entry was already granted.”
His hand squeezed her ass and she felt the familiar tightness in her centre.
“Keep your phone on you so if you go off on another rescue mission you can call for back up and the second,” he stopped, as if he was trying to find the words. “I need to hear you say that you get that being serious means you’re in it for the kids too. I’m not questioning you, it’s for me; I need to hear it.”
“Jonny, your kids are the best part of you. Don’t doubt that. Not that I want you just for your kids, but I would never wish they weren’t there.” She was looking in his eyes now, trying to read what was behind them.
“I believe you. Big question. What if in a few months Sadie and Harry ask about calling you ‘mum’? It’s different for Charlie, but you know Sadie loves you. She will move onto that.”
“I don’t think it’s about how I feel about that. It’s how you are with it.”
His eyes were dark and she recognised the need in them, but it wasn’t carnal although it was desire.
“I feel for Grace. But she was level headed and she wouldn’t want that title to only be used for her when Sadie and Harry and Charlie need someone else as well as me in their lives. It would be strange hearing it to start. Bittersweet. We’re saying a lot here, Ray.” He mussed her hair that probably looked as if she’d been dragged through a forest backwards.
“It would be. And an honour. I have a question.” She readied herself for the worst answer. If he said no, it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. She’d already made her choice.
“I’m more than happy to carry on giving you multiple orgasms.”
She gave him a light punch. “Would you have more children?” They’d talked about it before, but it was heated then.
“As mad as it sounds, given that I already have three, yes. I like being a dad, Rayah. It’s the best thing I ever did. Having Sadie on my own when she was a baby was hard, but I miss it. How many do you want?” He moved hair from her face.
“I don’t know. One at first. Maybe another. If you’d have said no, it wouldn’t have changed my mind about you.”
“Good to know I’m not purely a sperm donating machine.” He was smiling, now tracing her mouth with his finger.
She caught it between her teeth and nipped playfully. “I don’t think you have any complaints about that.” She moved her leg and came across a large surprise in his pants. “We’re in hospital!” It was a faux scold.
“And talking about me getting you pregnant. Clearly that’s a turn on for me.”
