Let us see what happens in the future and whether our paths should cross once more.
The island feels empty without you. People are still in shock over Julia’s death and are finding it difficult to come to terms with the accident. They are upset for you and wish to pass on their condolences.
I have said nothing about my feelings towards you other than to Alice, my greatest friend who will not say anything. She has been my confidante since we were mere children and has not been on the island this summer. Alice is now engaged to be married with a date set for December as she wishes to have a winter wedding. It is something to look forward to.
Please write to me when you can do not be in doubt that I understand your current predicament and the difficulties you must be facing.
Love,
Marcy
* * *
Dearest Marcy
I apologise for not having replied sooner to your letter. At the moment Julia’s parents are still with me, wanting to help take care of her belongings, although her mother spends most of her time sobbing and lamenting the loss of her daughter and any future grandchildren. Although I am saturated with guilt and my own sadness I find their presence a hindrance and wish that they could leave me alone to deal with her death in my own way.
It is now more than three weeks since the funeral and nearly four since I last saw you. Out of the two it is the latter that causes me more pain, although I still feel ravaged with guilt for feeling so. I badly want to come to you, to return to the guesthouse and make right what has happened this summer, but I have no idea how the people of the village would feel. I am still unsure as to whether anyone beside Gerald had guessed about us, although Ellen knew of course. But I imagine that there were suspicions all along, and some people will have worked it all out by now.
I cannot leave yet; Julia’s parents deserve more from me. She had clearly not told them of the breakdown in our marriage and they had not guessed. Her mother apologises for the lack of children my wife gave me, and I cannot tell her that it is something we never considered much past our honeymoon. I do not want to shatter their ideal image of Julia’s life; they believe her to have been happy and fulfilled and repeatedly say how grateful they are to me for looking after her – and then I feel like the lowest of the low, unworthy of the name ‘man’. I could not save her and was instrumental in her death. And I do not know if I would have saved her. She knew, of course, she had known from the beginning. I do not know how long it would have taken her to have asked for a divorce, but I am sure it would have come. Julia would never have been second to anyone.
I write too much of myself, Marcy, and do not consider your feelings. The truth is that I no longer know what the future can hold for us. In this state of purgatory I am no use to you. I am reluctant to take you away from the village and bring you to this life that could be filled with misery, for that seems to be all that I have caused.
However, I am desperate to see you, to be able to hold you and touch you as if you were mine all over again. I may be able to escape Julia’s parents for a weekend, to find an excuse to check on the boats, although I doubt my father will want me to, given he will imagine the horrific memories it may hold for me.
It doesn’t. I have only recollections of you. It is as if Julia has blurred into a fine mist, as if she were a bad dream, but you are as clear as the midday sun, warming me just by my thought of you.
I shall come soon, Marcy, as soon as I can. Then we can discuss how to play this hand that fate has dealt us.
With all my love,
Don
He wasawake when I finished, just very still.
“Do you think he pushed Julia off the boat?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted his answer.
Gabe said nothing for a moment and my chest pained a little.
“I don’t want him to have.”
He shook his head. “Honestly, no. If he wanted your aunt, she was there for the taking. He didn’t need to be divorced or widowed.”
“Good.”
He kissed me and took the diary from my hands, placing it on a shelf above the bed. “I think he loved her. And he wanted to be with her. What happened was a tragedy and from what your nan said, it was one they found difficult to overcome afterwards.”
“But they got there.”
“They did.”
He kissed me again. The apocalypse had passed.
We would survive.
* * *
I left a week later.September had brought storms with it, the holidaymakers having left the island with August. I’d always had excitement for the new school year, keen to sort my displays and make my classroom as exciting as I could for my new pupils, but this year that enthusiasm wasn’t there. Lorna had been in touch with the gossip and details about the new teachers that had been employed, and updates on her tasty chef, but even that hadn’t been enough to make me feel the slightest bit of excitement about going back to London.
