What do I do, Alice? I think he likes me more than he should, but I could be making it up. I wish you were here so we could laugh about this and work out what to do – not that I can do anything. He’s a married man and his wife is exactly what he needs her to be, given his position.
But he looks at me like no one else has.
Wish you were here, Alice.
Love,
Marcy
“Aunty Anya,you said we could go on the boat!”
I put the book back in my beach bag and stretched. My nephew was done with occupying himself and wanted to be occupied by me. It was the second time I’d looked after him, to give Kim – and him - a break. The first time had been hard. I’d thought about Calen and how he should’ve been looking forward to playing outdoors on his bike and then I remembered what I’d said to my therapist: grief is acceptable as long as you don’t let it steal your future.
“Get your life jacket on then.”
He gave me the look that said he’d rather not, but he was five and even if he swam like Nemo in the Olympics, there was no way he was getting on a boat on my watch without a jacket on.
“You put yours on too, Aunty Anya. I if have to, you have to.”
“Shit.” I cursed quietly under my breath. Mine wasn’t with me and I knew for a fact it wasn’t in the boat. I was a more than competent sea swimmer, but I wouldn’t usually go out without a jacket with a kid on board. “Sorry, buddy. I’ve forgotten mine.”
His little face turned sad, a genuine upset, not just the crocodile tears I knew he was more than capable of. “Okay, kiddo. We can go out, but no rocking or tearing round. You’ve got to be sensible.”
His eyes lit up and his smile stretched wide. I took his hand and we headed out to the dock where the little boat owned by the guesthouse was moored. I faffed around for a few minutes, keeping one eye glued to the little man. He sat patiently, watching everything I was doing.
Being brought up by the sea meant he’d been taught respect for it from the start. My brother-in-law had taken him out in the water as soon as he was old enough and going out on a boat was how Harry would spend every day of his life if he could. But my teacher instinct meant I was on over-protective mode and having had one loss, I did not want to put myself at risk of another.
“You off out?”
The deep voice made me jump. I turned round and saw Gabe standing shirtless as usual. He had fishing equipment in his hands so I figured he’d been out on a deep fish or he’d taken a party out. We had team building groups come out for fishing experiences or even stag parties and Gabe had been helping out with them.
“Taking Harry for a quick boat trip. If the kid doesn’t get out on the water at least once a day, he starts to go into meltdown.”
Harry appeared at my side, looking up at Gabe. “Are you coming too?”
Gabe grinned and crouched down so he was on Harry’s level. “Not today. But maybe I can take you out on one of the bigger boats next week?”
Harry’s face lit up. “Yes, please. I’d be really, really good.”
“I’m sure you would.”
Gabe’s hair was down, long and heavy, curling to just below his shoulders. I’d never slept with a man who had longer hair than my own, or even better hair than my own, and I’d never thought I’d be attracted to one.
But he was something different. The way he was looking at Harry right now was doing things to my lady parts that shouldn’t have been happening, not after knowing someone for such a short period of time. Not after everything that had happened to us both. Neither of us were right for anything more than a summer fling.
“You be good for your Aunty Anya.” Gabe fist bumped Harry, doing a turny thing when their hands hand bumped that I’d seen other kids do.
I laughed. “Come on, H, let’s get you on board.”
I took the boat out to a spot where I knew the current was predictable. Like Harry, I was confident, having lived the majority of my life on the island. Like Harry, I knew what the sea was capable of and the Straits were deceptively murderous. I let him have a guided go at steering, keeping the engine quiet so we weren’t going at any real speed.
We headed back towards the dock, into the cove of our beach. A loud engine disrupted the relative quiet and the next thing I knew I was in the water, sinking fast.
Panic rose in me, drowning me from the inside. Harry. Harry was in there with me. I tried to quell the scream that was pulling me under and fight the fracturing of my reality. Water. Kick up. Kick. Kick. Kick. I went through each step, hearing my teacher voice telling me what to do, finally finding light and air and seeing a little bit in a bright orange life jacket turning his head and shouting for his Aunty Anya.
“I’m here! I’m here, Harry.” I swam over to him, aware of several boats lurking nearby and the large body of Shep nearer to Harry than I was.
“Got him, Anya. It’s fine. Luke’s going to sort your boat.” Shep’s voice was the same steady calm it always was.
