I paused as I went out onto the decking: she was standing at the back, leaning against the rails with a drink in her hand and wearing a dress, her hair down and loose, blowing in the breeze.
Taking out my phone to capture her on screen was not an option, so instead I stared, not caring if anyone noticed. I was beyond caring about what anyone else thought, had been for some time.
As long as she was good with it.
I saw her smile, a shy slight smile that didn’t fill her face. She was hesitant, unsure. The sea rolled in behind her, waves gentle tonight and the sky was yellow and hazy, the promise of a sea fret tomorrow morning.
I didn’t head to her, knowing what that would tell everyone, and I knew Michael was there with his girlfriend of the week and all her friends. Instead I went to the tall table around which everyone was standing and put my drink down, my eyes still on her.
She was watching me, constantly trying to glance away when I caught her which made me smile more. Someone said my name and I answered, but I had no real idea what I was saying. My conversation was with Anya’s eyes.
Music started from the bar, filtering outside. Catrin got a little louder, Anders kept hold of her a little more. She had form for knocking things over when she was tipsy, and given her size, it didn’t take too much to make her tipsy.
Anya laughed at her friend, at Polly. She talked to her brother and the other people who surrounded us and she kept on glancing at me. Smiling.
“Are you just going to perv on her all night or are you going to go over there and speak to her.” Catrin said.
She had broken free of her boyfriend’s arm and she now wrapped both her small arms around my waist. Clearly we were in the touchy-feely stage of her being drunk.
“I didn’t want to force her to have to talk to me.” Where that gem came from I had no fucking clue. Confidence with women wasn’t something I’d ever lacked.
A finger poked my lower back. “Don’t be a dumb shit. You keep looking at each other. You managed to talk plenty to each other last night so if you haven’t got anything left to say why don’t you just kiss her.” Her words were slurred.
Anders headed over and prised her hands off my waist. He wasn’t jealous, that was clear enough, but he had a very good idea when Cat needed reining in.
“Stop harassing people, Catrin.” He pulled her into his arms.
“Will you get me another drink?”
“Yes. Happily. One of those coffees you like.”
Her eyes widened up at him. I stifled a laugh because whatever she was about to ask for, he’d be struggling to say no to.
“With whisky?”
“No, Catrin. With coffee. Else you’re going to have a thick head tomorrow and I’ll be spending the day nursing your hangover.” He grasped both of her hands in his.
I’d never had a relationship get to the stage of looking after a lover. Nothing had lasted much beyond six months; either them or I got bored. I tended to err towards women who were invested in their careers and friends, with a long-haired architect not being their long term goal.
“Coffee. Then a cocktail?” She looked at him hopefully, freeing her hands then tucking them into the back pockets of his jeans.
“Coffee, some snacks, then a cocktail.”
“Then lots of sex.”
“If you don’t fall asleep first.”
I looked over at Anya. She had been watching Cat too, shaking her head at her friend’s drunken negotiation skills. She saw me looking and smiled.
I smiled back and bit my lips, looking up to the sky. This wasn’t me. If Ryan could see me now he’d be ripping me a new one. He’d be telling me to get over to her, ask her questions, buy her a drink, offer dinner.
She leaned back against the fence, the breeze catching her hair again, making her dress flutter. This time I headed straight to her.
“How did you sleep after last night?” Lame. I was so lame.
“Well. Better than in ages. You?”
“Good.”
