I saw her watching me for a reaction.
“So Jack helps out here as penance for not being able to support his brother?”
Casey gave a small nod. “Robert comes here every week pretty much, mainly just to check with Jack and see Lauren. But he’s not been in for nearly four weeks now. It’s a bit of a worry.”
“How does Jack feel about Robert?”
Her assessment of me seemed curious.
“Guilt. I think the two of them fell out when Robert was away with the army. Robert didn’t take his leave and instead stayed out in Afghanistan. Whatever he experienced stopped him from going back out there. I don’t know much more, just that a lot of our ex-servicemen struggle when they come home.”
We both watched Jack and Lauren dance still, the music not audible.
“Do you want me to get him?”
I shook my head. I needed to think about what I’d learned. This changed things, made it harder. The man who cooked in my restaurant also came here and tried to make nutritious food from scratch without needing a medal for it.
“I’d like to make a donation.”
“Anything’s welcome. Including time. Or anything to raise awareness of what we do here.”
“You’ll be hearing from me.”
She smiled and stood up, heading out of the room. I watched for a while longer, seeing the people finish eating and leave, heading out into an uncertain night.
When I got home I stared at my phone for a good twenty minutes before deciding what to do. Eventually I sent a text, brief, succinct. I think I half understood his silence.
Me:You’re a good man.
There werea few minutes before I saw the dots appear on screen, already resigned to the fact he wouldn’t respond.
Jack:Not sure I can be enough for you. Don’t know what I have to offer.
My heart broke a little,more than it ever had before.
Me:I think you have a lot more than you know. And I’d like to help you find out.
Jack:You own three restaurants, have a Michelin star, a huge house. I have a mortgaged to the hilt two-up, two-down terrace, am a single dad and can be a complete fuck-up of a human. You’re out of my league.
I laughed,the ridiculousness of his assessment humorous when I thought of my own past.
Me:I like your house, think you’re an amazing dad. I’ve been divorced twice and have an ex-husband in prison for murder. I’m crap in social situations unless it’s at work and I don’t have a life. You’re gorgeous, kind, amazing with people and generous. If I’m out of your league it’s because mine’s so far below I can’t get to you.
Radio silence.No dots, just the notification that the message had been read.
I was in bed when my phone began to vibrate, the sequence telling me that it was a phone call. Jack’s name was on the screen, the photo one of him cooking that I’d sneakily taken.
“Hello.” I knew I sounded worried.
“Sorry it’s so late. I didn’t know what to text back. I didn’t know what to say.” His voice was low, quiet, not disturbing Lauren.
“I went to the centre where you volunteer.” The words blurted out and my shoulders felt lighter.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it.”
“It’s okay. We all have out secrets. I think we’re allowed them.”
I heard him sigh and I realised I was clutching my phone as if it was a lifeline. I didn’t want him to tell me that this was it. I didn’t want to lose him.
