He looked away from her. “I’d just finished uni. I knew I didn’t want to go into music professionally, despite my dad disagreeing. I’d grafted and worked hard through three years, plus college and I had no goal and no idea what I was going to do with my life. As much as I didn’t get turned down by pussy, you weren’t just pussy.”
“I didn’t turn you down,” she said, understanding. She’d been lucky: she’d finished her degree in dentistry after five years and moved home, knowing she was going to work at Severton Dental. The plan had always been there. But for her friends who didn’t have a career lined up they’d felt lost. Five years of college and university when goals were set in front of them and there was always something to work towards was one way to become institutionalized. Without that structure they hadn’t known what to do. “I never knew you were interested. If I had, I’d have asked you out.”
There was silence; neither of them knowing what to say and then he laughed.
“It’s fucking ironic, isn’t it?”
She nodded, the smile that was growing on her face a damp cloth to the anger inside.
“What do we do?” she said. “I’m still mad at you for not giving me the benefit of the doubt.”
“I’m still mad at you and myself,” he said. “Maybe we just try to be civil for the sake of our friends.”
“Think we can stop bickering?” she said.
He shook his head. “Why would we want to? I’ve enjoyed our verbal warfare over the years.”
“You’re a dick.”
“You’re an ass.” He turned to her and took the few steps that separated them. “But I never stopped thinking you were a beautiful ass. Or that you had a beautiful ass.”
She looked to the ground and then back to him, unable to suppress a smile. “Shall I give you a spade then you can dig yourself a deeper hole?”
He laughed, his arms wrapping around her. “I remember how you used to demand my bear hugs when you were little,” he said. “I think you were ten and you’d fallen over. The others had run on ahead…”
“We were going up Larkhill to fly kites off the edge and watch the hang gliders,” she said, relaxing in his warmth – letting herself relax in his warmth. “I tripped over tree roots and sliced off the skin on my knee. You were the only one who came back to check that I was okay.”
“And you weren’t. You were so mad with Rayah for not waiting. And Alex because you’d waited with him the week before when he’d split his pants,” Scott said.
“So we went back to town and walked by the river. You bought me an ice cream…”
“And then there was the biggest thunderstorm. We went back to the farm and ate cookie dough while the rest got wet through,” he finished. “I thought you were so pretty.”
“But you never said.”
“Because you were in primary school and I was in high school. If I had I’d have been called all kinds of names. But I knew one day you’d grow up.”
“Not that you waited,” she nuzzled his chest, smelling his aftershave and the soap he used. “I heard you were fourteen when you lost your virginity to Hayley Higgins at a party.”
“Yeah, I think most of the boys in my year lost their virginities to Hayley Higgins. That’s the beauty of a small town: everybody remembers everything. Except the things you want them to.”
He moved her away from him. “If I asked you out now what would you say?”
“Scott…I…”
“Forget I asked.”
She saw the hurt on his face and wanted to take it all away and replace it with something happier. “No… it’s just… I need to move out of here. I need to see what it’s like in a big city and maybe meet someone who I didn’t grow up with. There’s a job coming up at one of the hospitals, and if we start seeing each other it might have to be over before it starts.” She didn’t want to have to make a choice. She didn’t want to hurt him or resent him for not following her dreams. “And it complicates things, Scott. We go from hating each other to fucking and that’s going to put one hell of a spoke in our wheels of friendships.”
He gave a nod. “And there’s no way I’d keep you secret.”
She clutched his shirt and scrunched her eyes. This was not good. “Let’s just try to be a little less nasty to each other. See what happens from there.”
He nodded and let her go.
She was still standing there, not sure how to move, when Bez barged through the back door. He was out of breath and flustered, clearly bothered by something.
“Scott, Lena’s just come in – she thinks she’s seen the man who was harassing her,” he said. “Should we phone Alex?”
