We ordered and I listened to her talk about how much she was enjoying being in London regularly, being in the city more and how she was liking Leeds less and less.
“An opportunity’s come up again,” she said as we finished our main courses. “To move here. I’m considering taking it.”
“Is it a better package?” I asked. “It needs to be significantly more to cover the increased cost of living here.”
“It looks healthy, yes,” she said, giving me a coy smile.
I braced myself. What I told Ava on the phone at the weekend was true; I thought that Andrea was going to suggest we gave it another go, and I had thought about it. We’d spent two years together; she could be fun and interesting and she was as clever as hell, and there had been a point when I’d thought she was it, the right person to have a future with. But then it had fizzled out: a bottle of pop that went flat quickly. When we first split up, I didn’t miss her, there wasn’t a hole in my life that had needed filling because what we had ran its course and there was no way we needed to try to bring it back to life.
Ava had brought colour and laughter into my day to day existence. She wasn’t about squeezed in weekend trips or scheduled dates or even scheduled sex. Ava was raw and impetuous, completely genuine and filled with fire. Seeing her after Jon’s attack had ripped my chest to shreds and torn out my heart, but I knew she would recover because that’s who she was. I didn’t want Andrea, I wanted Ava, and if Ava decided that we were just temporary, then I’d have to move on.
But it would be forward, not back.
“Andrea,” I said, deciding to tell her before she said something she’d wish in a few minutes she could take back. “I asked you to meet me because I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Hmmm,” she said. “I wonder if it’s the same as what I wanted to speak to you about?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think it is. It’s been nice to see you over the last few weeks and I’m glad we’ve been able to be civil but I’d rather not stay in touch in the future.”
I felt like a complete cunt.
Her face froze, the smile that had been there sapped away with my words.
“I’m sorry, because I got the feeling on Friday that you wanted something different and I knew I needed to let you know how I felt,” I said and then left the air silent.
She inhaled deeply and looked around us, as if to see who had overheard our conversation.
“I really thought that you wanted to give it another go,” she said. “You always responded so quickly when I messaged you and you seemed quite happy to talk to me… “
“Then I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. I was being friendly and in all honesty, I didn’t know how to react without being harsh. Maybe that would’ve been the better option,” I said. The door opened and a familiar, beautiful face came in.
Ava looked slimmer, her hair longer and curlier than I’d seen it before. She was wearing smart trousers and a fitted shirt with a jacket and her companion was in a suit. Her male companion. It was the first time I’d seen her since she’d left my apartment to stay with Claire.
Thankfully Andrea’s back was towards the door, so she didn’t see her, and Ava didn’t see me.
“Maybe it would. Why don’t you want to give it another chance, Eli?” Andrea said. “We were good together.”
“We were at the start. But towards the end we had very little in common,” I said.
“We have loads in common. We’re both intelligent and ambitious. We both work hard and have the same values. We’d do really well together as parents and financially we’re on the same page. I get I messed you around…”
“You didn’t,” I interrupted. “When you told me it was over I wasn’t upset. We’d been seeing each other maybe twice a month at best because something kept coming up and you needed to cancel…”
“And you were so understanding about that…”
“I was, because if I wasn’t having to see you in Leeds or you weren’t coming down here I had a free weekend where I could do what I wanted. I think at the end, Andrea, I didn’t want to be with you either. Getting back together because we’re compatible would be something two desperate people did and neither of us are desperate,” I said and I knew that this time my words had been too harsh.
She shook her head and I saw tears in her eyes. “I really thought… never mind, it doesn’t matter. Clearly I read something that wasn’t there.”
She sipped her prosecco, her second glass and I hoped it took the edge off her sadness. “Do you still have feelings for Ava?”
“Her stuff’s still at my apartment, including four fucking huge cushions,” I said.
She laughed sardonically. “My cushions were never there, were they?”
I shook my head. “No. Because we never got to that point where either of us really wanted to make that commitment.”
“So you and Ava?”
