Me:Him and Callum had a bet. He lost.
Eli:The car. He lost the car. Tell me the idiot didn’t bet his car?
Me:I could tell you that, but I’d be lying. Callum’s not going to accept, but he’s not told Seph that yet.
Eli:Fair enough. What are you up to tonight?
We’d fallen into a new normality where we chatted about our days and what we were doing, what we’d watched or read and it was easy and comfortable. I didn’t miss him at first, I didn’t have the headspace to miss him as everything felt confusing because of the residual effects of the drugs that were still in my system, but as days turned into weeks, I missed his physicality, his smile and his touch.
“So what’s happening between you two?” Victoria said, making eyes at the waiter. She’d been looking at the cocktail menu as well.
“I don’t know,” I said. “We were only ever temporary though. It may be it happened and it was good, but it’s over now.”
Payton tipped her head to one side. “You lived with each other. You must’ve liked each other an awful lot to do that.”
I shrugged. “It wasn’t for very long and he’s been very well house trained.”
“Do you think we can send Maxwell to his parents for training then?” Victoria said. “You may not want to know this about your brother, but he’s taken to creatively manscaping. Fuck knows why, because it’s not like he needs to make it look any bigger, but he’s using my bikini trimmers and leaving all the hair down the toilet without flushing it. It looked like an animal had died down there!”
There was a collective groan around the table. I sat back, glad that the attention was away from me.
“At least the hair was down the toilet,” Claire said. “Killian seems to think I want to use the stubble from when he’s trimmed his beard as a fucking facial exfoliator. He is incapable of rinsing the sink out properly and when I mention it to him, he becomes all defensive and tells me he did clean it. Damned man.”
“It could be worse,” Simone said. “My first ex-husband used to keep his socks on during sex.”
“How many ex-husbands have you had?” Payton said.
“Just the two. I’m hoping it’ll be third time lucky at some point. The first was actually okay, just a lot older than me and we got bored of each other. The second’s in prison and I doubt he’ll be coming out any time soon.”
“Oh,” Payton said and I could practically hear her rapidly applying her filters before she said something inappropriate. “I hope… I’m not sure what to say…”
Simone threw her head back and laughed. “There’s not much to say. The faults of the first were nothing compared to the second.”
“Wet towels on the bed; piles of clothes on the floor; the inability to open the dishwasher and actually put pots inside it and instead walking past it and putting the pots there; putting empty packets back in the fridge or cupboard; not telling me when we’ve run out of stuff… I can continue,” Vanessa said. “But no manscaping. I’m not sure how I’d cope with that.”
“What’s worse than Max’s manscaping is Seph’s,” Victoria said. “He would miss the bin or the toilet and leave a trail. I ended up buying him vouchers for Sophie’s Man Cave.” Sophie was Vanessa’s best friend who owned a chain of beauty salons, one of which was just for men.
“I’m not sure I need to know any more. Payton, you want to tell us about Owen?” Claire said. “Or Ava, care to share the shit on Elijah?”
Payton shook her head. “We don’t live together.”
“But you spend probably one night a week apart. Don’t think we haven’t clocked that,” Claire placed a hand on the waiter’s arm. “Drinks, ladies. Tell the nice man what we want to sup on.” The sup sounded distinctly like suck and the poor guy looked half scared as he quickly wrote down the list of cocktails.
“Owen’s great,” Payton said when we’d all ordered. “He’s tidy, cleans up after himself. He even changes his sheets regularly. More than I do.”
“Maybe he could start a finishing school for men and we could send Killian there,” Claire said, rolling her eyes.
“I thought Killian would’ve been all neat and tidy with him being in the Marines and all?” Victoria said. “Max is fairly tidy. It’s just the hair that’s the issue.”
“I think the suggestion that all military men are tidy is a myth. Katie said Nick’s worse,” Claire groused. “But I don’t have manscaping to contend with. I’ll have to bring that up with Max. Maybe send him a few pictures for inspiration.”
“Please do,” Victoria said. “Anything to stop him from hairing all over the place.”
“What about Eli?” Claire said, not letting it lie. “Any manscaping I need to know about? Chest waxing? Unfortunate birth marks or a wonky penis?”
“I wasn’t there long enough to find out any hidden habits. His penis is delightful and he knows how to work it well. And he has the right amount of hair to be manly,” I said and felt struck in the stomach by something sharp.
I wasn’t going home to him tonight.
