Claire:FFS, Cal. Germolene is the cream. Jackson’s referring to Germaine Greer. The feminist. God help us if you ever breed. In fact, can’t you give yourself a vasectomy?
Callum:I’m not sure that’s physically possible.
Maxwell:Can some of you answer the fucking question? We need to go shopping! Fucking assholes.
Jackson:Me and Van will be there. And some of the lads from rugby.
Maxwell:Which ones?
Jackson:Eli and Owen. Is Payton actually dating Owen? He seems a bit of a better catch than her normal type.
Ava:You realise she will read this at some point?
Seph:You’re alive!
Ava:I’ve hardly been absent! I saw you on Thursday.
Seph:I called round this afternoon but you weren’t in.
Ava: I do have a life that doesn’t involve sitting at home on a Saturday afternoon.
Maxwell:Back to the point, people. Number for tomorrow?
Marie:Max, do you remember when you were eighteen and having a party for friends for some reason and I needed to know numbers, not just for food, but for how many clean up kits I needed for when you were all vomiting up the alcohol?
Maxwell:Not really, but carry on and make your point.
Marie:This is how it felt. This is what it’s like to be ignored and not get a straightforward answer so you can get on with what you’re meant to be doing. However, me and your father will be there. Tell Vic you’ll do the cleaning up.
Maxwell:Do you all think I’m a caveman or something? Claire, are you and K bringing Eliza?
Claire:No, we’re leaving her with the pack of wolves two doors down.
Maxwell:FFS.
Claire:We may as well be if she’s spending the afternoon with Seph and Callum. Have we invested in an STI clinic yet?
Callum:I’ve told you – the last tests were completely clean!
Marie:Callum, do we need to have words? Again?
Callum:I’m not coming tomorrow. I’m fed up of being bullied.
Seph:I’m not sure what your definition of bullying is, Cal, but it’s wrong. Take it from one who knows.
Jackson:To be fair, Seph has a point.
Maxwell:For Victoria’s sake – numbers for tomorrow.
Ava:Me please.
Seph:I live with you. Take it as a given, I’ll be there.
Maxwell:You’re cleaning up, Joseph. Callum, do you have a plus three?
Callum:Just me. Quiet weekend planned.
Ava:The plus three was a joke, wasn’t it?
