“It is,” I said, my voice softening. It had been years since we’d split and we had never fallen out. Just woken up one morning when neither of us had any work commitments and headed out to the seaside. It was painfully awkward and we realised that we had nothing left to talk about. We rarely had sex and our lives had begun to differ when I stopped developing apps and coding, which was what Amber had built her life around. She was a geek who happened to be gorgeous, but right now, I couldn’t remember why I’d been so attracted to her.
We’d never been in love. There’d never been any passion, just friends with benefits who got on, which was another reason why I knew Payton and I weren’t just fucking friends, no matter how hard she was trying to keep it in that box.
“Okay. You have the Blue Lines playing in a couple of weeks,” she said, giving me a beaming smile.
“I have. Dean, Vinny and Jon. Acoustic set.”
“This is awkward.”
“Hit me with it.”
“I’m kind of seeing Vinny.” This was unusual. Amber liked men and since we’d split she’d had a number that she toyed with, a bit like a cat would play with a catnip toy before destroying it. She’d never directly told me about anyone specific.
“Is it serious?”
She moved her head from side to side and held her hands up to show she didn’t know. “It’s been a couple of months. He’d asked if I’d play and sing when they’re here. Just for shits and giggles. I’d really like to but I just wanted to make sure you’d be okay with it. I know we tend to keep our distance.”
I kept my distance. Amber had come back to me occasionally to remember the good times we’d had, which inevitably led to sex, which led to me doing yet another post-mortem to work out where we’d gone wrong. If I was in a relationship, I gave it my all and I hated to fail. I saw what happened with me and Amber as a failure, even though it had been anything but. “It’s fine,” I said. “There’s no reason why you shouldn’t.”
“Would you play too? When’s the last time you were on stage with your guitar?” she sounded excited, like a little girl on Christmas day, which was Amber all over. Payton had the same enthusiasm and love of life, but hers was more mellow, more consistent. More me.
“I’m not playing.”
She squinted at me. “One song. Play one song. I’ll harmonise with you. Dean and Vinny won’t mind, in fact Dean asked me the other day if you still did the odd session with your guitar.”
Years ago, when I was developing apps and running the dating one, I’d spent time at gigs, filling in for bands who were missing a guitarist and helping out a couple of mates here and there. I’d met Amber through my Master’s degree, but we got to know each other through music and being at the same venues.
Her hand touched my arm and she squeezed my bicep. Before there would’ve been a reaction, even if it was just by association—Amber touching me had usually lead to sex in the past—but now there was nothing. I wanted the small blonde tornado who made me feel like I’d come home.
“One song. And it’s my choice.”
She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Folk-rock here we come. You’re such a contradiction. The body of a god, chiselled cheekbones and you like folk-rock. Where’s your beard and sandals. Don’t forget the socks.”
“Agree or there’s no deal.”
She shook her head. “You drive a mean bargain, Owen Anders. I’ll see you then.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“What?”
“How do you know you’ll still be involved with Vinny by that time? Or is this just in case you are?”
Her smile was one I recognised from myself. She was smitten. “I just know,” she said. “I hope you’re good with that. Your mum told me you’d met a girl.”
Trust my mother to tell my ex I’d met someone. It showed she liked Payton though; my mum was making sure Amber couldn’t sabotage whatever we had, whatever it was. “Yeah,” I nodded.
Amber smiled. “You really like her.”
“I think so.” I thought it was turning into more than like. “We’re taking it slow though.”
“Whisk her off her feet, Owen. Do what we didn’t and put the romance in there. Otherwise you become companions and without that spark you’re just friends with benefits.” Her smile was genuine. “See you in a couple of weeks. Look after yourself and your girl.” She swung round to wave to my mum and then stepped away, this time leaving me without a mystery.
Amber and I had been friends with benefits and as fond of her as I’d been, it hadn’t been an epic love story, just mutually convenient.
Payton was different: she made me want to take days off work just to stay in bed and forget about meetings and deals and contracts. I wanted her body wrapped around mine, her laugh filling the air around me and her words, all her words.
I needed a plan, which shouldn’t be a big deal given I ran a very successful business and had interests in several other venture too. But first, I had to set another plan into action. “Mum,” I called when she was in earshot. “What are you doing tonight?”
