“Yes,” I said and deliberately put my hand on the small of her back as we walked inside. I would’ve taken her hand but that would’ve been too much; but I needed to keep contact with her so it wasn’t just a kiss, otherwise neither of us would’ve been able hold our heads above water. “Let’s get the books from the car and then we can wrap them while we get a drink.”
We didn’t say anything on the way to car, or on the way to the shop. I tried to look interested while Payton picked out wrapping paper and ribbon from the limited choice, keeping hold of the books instead. I saw her keep glancing at me, her lips pursed as if she wanted to say something, although I thought I knew what that something was.
“I’ll get the drinks,” she said when we got to the café. It was filled with a mix of doctors and nurses, some patients and family, all with a mixture of expressions. “Coffee?”
“Please,” I said. “And water.”
I watched her as she queued up with a tray, her head up again, her eyes brighter. By the time she’d returned I’d taken the books from the bag and inspected each copy. They were gift editions, illustrated and cloth covered. I’d had just about enough time to make sure they were perfect copies.
“These are gorgeous,” Payton said, placing the drinks well away from the books. “I might need to get them for myself. You need to let me know how much I owe you.”
“We’ll sort it out later,” I said. I had no intention of letting her pay, but that argument could be saved for after. “Please don’t tell me you’re one of those Potterheads who has to have every edition?”
“Not quite,” she said, looking through Chamber of Secrets. “This is divine. She’s a lucky girl.” I saw her blink back tears.
I cleared my throat. “Are you upset?”
She shook her head. “No. I’m relieved and a little bit amazed that my big sister has a baby. I don’t know how to handle it.”
I took one of the sheets of wrapping paper and started to wrap the first book. “It’s okay to feel everything, you know. Just stop trying to analyse it and enjoy the feeling.”
“What if I cry all over her when I hold her? Will I be able to hold her? What if she cries and I don’t know what to do?” She started to wrap too, her hands busying themselves.
“I don’t think you’ll be the only one crying. I don’t know if you’ll be able to hold her and I don’t know the first thing about babies so if she cries I guess you give her back to your sister or Killian,” I said. “Have you checked your phone?”
“Weirdly, no. I usually have it glued to my hand.” She reached into her purse and pulled it out, the screen filled with messages. “Photos. Fuck, she’s gorgeous.” She showed me a picture of the baby, who looked like most babies I’d seen already. “She has Claire’s eyes.”
I carried on wrapping, pushing a tag and a pen towards her, while she looked at the photos.
“She’s tiny. Max has held her and she looks so small. I need to see her.” She put her phone down and watched as I finished wrapping the last book. “Shit, I’m sorry. You’ve done everything again. I’m not doing well with adulting today.”
This time I did laugh. “Payton, it’s fine. There will be a day when maybe you can adult for me. Write out the tag and let’s get you to see your niece.”
We headed to the ward and the room where Claire was, Payton now telling me stories about her brothers and Killian, Claire’s fiancé. I could see anticipation and nerves and excitement all bubbling under a pre-prepared persona.
“Here’s your gift,” I said as we reached the door. Voices tumbled through, Seph’s and Ava’s. “I’ll wait for you in the room we were in before.”
Her smile faded. “I know it’s been a weird day and you’ve kind of jumped in at a very deep end here with having to give me a lift, but it’ll feel weird if you don’t come in and meet her. Unless you don’t want to, I get if that’s too weird.”
“I’m happy to, but won’t it be strange for your family if I come in?”
She tipped her head to one side. “Yes, but it’ll be stranger if you don’t.”
“Okay,” I said as she pushed the door open.
I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’d held a newborn before, a couple of times actually, but neither had been born in a hospital, or after an emergency caesarean.
Claire was lying propped up in bed, an IV next to her and the baby snuggled to her chest. Killian was sitting beside her, his focus flitting between his new daughter and fiancée. Seph and Ava were standing at the side, two of the three wise men on a visit.
“Hey,” Payton said, heading straight to her sister. “You look better than I thought you would.” She kissed her cheek. “How are you?”
Claire smiled. “Better now she’s here. Sore and uncomfortable but that doesn’t matter. Who’s your friend?” Claire’s eyes fell on me, assessing.
“This is Owen Anders—”
“The bookstore owner,” Claire interrupted. “I read about you a few months ago. How do you know my sister?”
So this was the interrogation I hadn’t received from her brothers. “We bumped into each other on Saturday. And I need a lawyer.”
