“I’m surprised you settled in London,” I said, speaking truthfully, the long grass tickling my bare legs. I was wearing cut-off denim shorts and a thin vest, enjoying being out of a suit. I’d be the owner of bitten legs by the evening, but I could worry about that then.
“I haven’t,” he said. “I bought the house with the idea of moving out here at some point, once the business was at the point where I could manage a lot of it remotely. It should happen sooner than I’d planned too.”
“Why here and not in Ireland?”
“I like it here better. And it’s an easy commute into London when I need to be there. Plus, I know folks here. What about you? Are you a Londoner forever?”
I shook my head. “No. At the moment it suits for work, but like you, I can live away from the city. I’ve liked living there though; I like the busyness and the buzz and the restaurants but this place has always been home. There’s a small cottage up for sale about a mile and half away. It needs renovating and updating but I keep looking at the listing on the internet and wonder how mad I’d have to be to put an offer in.”
“Not mad at all. You should.”
My heart thudded heavily in my chest. Last night I’d thought about living there with him, what it would be like to have a future together. If he could forgive what I’d done. “Maybe. Maybe it’s not the right time.” I paused as we entered the woods and heard rustling in the hedgerows suggesting wildlife. “About last night.”
“I’m sure that was a title of a film but I don’t think that’s what you’re referring to,” he said, sitting down on a tree trunk belonging to a tree that had fallen decades ago and was now worn smooth from the amount of people who had sat on it over the years.
I laughed. “I’m not sorry I kissed you. Even if you wish I hadn’t.”
“Fuck no,” he said. “I just wish we’d been on our own without an audience”
“Thirteen years,” I said, sitting down next to him. We faced the entrance to the woods, looking back over sunlit fields, the big house in the distance. “I’m sorry.”
His hand slipped to the small of my back, offering reassurance; his fingers caressing, gifting heat. “It’s in the past. It’s how we go forward that matters.”
I looked across to the fields where I had been when I found out the news that had caused me to cut him off. I thought of it as setting him free, making a rational decision that was best for us both. And it was. I knew that, but it didn’t ease the guilt.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I said. “And I should’ve had the guts to tell you why then but I didn’t because it was too hard.”
He looked straight ahead, his face expressionless. “Because you hadn’t stopped…” he paused, a break in his voice. “Caring about me.”
“You mean loving you?” He looked at me. “Because I did, so much.” My eyes grew heavy with tears again but I blinked them back ferociously.
“Have you seen anyone seriously since?” he said, his blue eyes stormy, filled with a hurricane of emotions that I didn’t try to decipher.
“No one seriously,” I said. “No one for more than a few weeks. I’ve been too busy with work. What about you?”
He shook his head slowly, his arm around my waist now. “I tried,” he said, his voice low and reverberating through my skin. “But it wasn’t the same. I wondered if I’d let that year grow in my mind and made it something it wasn’t. But when I see you, even though you give me nothing but shit, I feel it again.”
“So, what do we do?” I said, feeling as nervous as I did the first time I kissed him. “I’ve had enough of trying to annoy you.”
The answering laugh was deep and melodious and I leaned into his side, feeling hard muscle through his t-shirt, firmer and bigger than what I remembered. “Good. You think I can take you out for dinner without your brothers killing me?”
I smiled, warmth enveloping me. We still had to talk about what happened, but not yet. At some point, but not now. “I think they’ll be more likely to warn me.”
He paused. “You think Marie will excuse us from Sunday lunch?”
I angled my head to look at him. “I don’t think she’ll mind. I’ll be here for another couple of days at least, if you and your brother have your way.”
“That’s the plan,” he said, moving his chin to the top of my head and gently mussing my hair with his bearded chin. “Nick’s done a bit of digging on Dean Lacey, found a few people in common, and they say very little about him, apart from that it’s best to get your business with him done as quickly as possible and then get out of his way.”
I sighed, feeling every inch of my body relax as if it had finally found home after a very long journey. “I know. But Katie needs someone to champion her and that’s my job. I have to get her the best deal.”
“I get that. But understand it’s my job to keep you – and her – safe while you’re doing that,” he said. “Now who’s going to ask Marie if I can take you out?”
I felt my cheeks burn. “Maybe we should just say we’re going out to discuss security so it sounds more of a work dinner?”
“Nope,” he said resolutely.
“No?”
