This time I walked quickly into the reception. There was an enormous hamper in the middle of the floor filled with bags of different coffee beans and chocolates, along with another note.Enjoy.
I routed through the hamper. He'd included my favorite brands, plus the ones he knew Alice and Josh liked, as well as some of the tea Alice went mad for but was hard to find.
"Seriously," she said, smelling a bag of coffee beans. "If you're done with him do you mind if I have a shot?"
I ignored her.
***
Thursday
Sophie's suggestion had made its way onto my Facebook page; a picture of the roses surrounded by some of the chocolates and bags of coffee, artfully arranged. I hadn't tagged Jackson in the post, simply putting 'thank you', and leaving it at that.
He hadn't responded or texted.
Common sense told me that he was possibly willing to forgive me, why else send gifts, unless it was just a way to be cruel. But that was never a trait I'd associated with Jackson; he cared, he was fair and he was passionate. Never had I seen him be cruel.
I was at reception myself when the courier entered, carrying two smallish boxes. "Vanessa..."
"That's me," I said, interrupting him and hoping to get the packages before Josh or Alice came through. "I'll sign."
He looked grumpily at me, holding out the device for me to sign on with my finger.
"Thank you," I said to his back as he scurried out. "Have a nice day."
I took them into my office and say down at my desk, wondering what he'd sent – if it was Jackson at all. The address was typed and stuck on, different fonts suggesting different sources. I opened the slightly smaller one first and felt my heart thud as I saw what was inside.
One evening we'd been talking about books, and I'd mentioned that my favorite book when I'd been younger had beenWhat Katy Did. My mother had read it to me before she had become too poor and I had loved the story of Katy and how she had overcome herself. Inside the box was a hardback copy, a beautiful reproduction of the first edition. A piece of paper slipped out when I opened it, a note written on it in Jackson's handwriting:Give me time and I'll find you a first edition. Until then, this can tide you over.
Tears filled my eyes and I wondered what my mother would say to me now, what her advice would be. I missed her and I grieved for the relationship we hadn't been able to have and then I thought of the man who had understood that.
Pulling myself together, I opened the second box and laughed quietly. It was filled with little luxuries: a small bottle of Jo Malone's Pomegranate Noir; my favorite body moisturizer; the Charlotte Tilbury makeup palette that I had nearly used up and my favorite lip balm. There was no note, there didn't need to be one.
A knock sounded at my door and Alice entered, her eyes going straight to the book and perfume. "More gifts?"
I nodded. "From Jackson. What do I send back?"
"Whatever you want to say to him," she said, inspecting the book. "This is very thoughtful. Given you've not known each other long, he seems to know you well. The flowers, the coffee selections, a book that I assume means something to you, these."
"I think that's his point. He does know me." I pulled my phone from my desk drawer. There are no messages from him, he's done exactly as he said he would and waited for me to get in touch with him. I opened up the messages between us, seeing the conversation from last Thursday and my heart broke. Amelie was wrong; he wasn't the heartbreaker, I was. I'd broke my own heart.
Me:Thank you for the thoughtful gifts. I love the book.
I was surprised when he responded straight away.
Jackson:Good. I thought you would.
Me:I have so much to say I don't know where to start.
Jackson:Take your time and think things through.
Me:Are you okay?
He didn't respond. I spent the rest of the day working, carrying on late into the evening, trying not to think about him but I realized it was fruitless. I also realized that I now knew my own mind.
***
Friday
