I shook my head and the blubbering began again. Thick, heavy sobs that started after I reread all of Jackson's texts and went to get a coffee, even though it was way too late for caffeine. "Jackson..." I started again.
"Okay, do I need to have his testicles removed and shove them up his ass?" Sophie sat down and hugged me, much like she had on the first night I'd left Richard.
"He's just like Richard," I tried to speak coherently. "Uses his fucking family to get easy passes. He's mentioned that we're seeing each other to this big client and now the big client wants us. He'll start to tell me that it's all him, that we got the deal because of him just like Richard did." My monologue continued without Sophie interrupting.
"Okay," she finally said. "I see where you're coming from but I think you're overreacting. He's not done anything wrong, Van. I think you're just scared and this has given you a way out."
"I don't want a relationship with someone who has too much power. His family, wealth, connections, I'll never be able to be judged for what I do, it'll always come back to who he is," I choked through tears.
"Have you spoken to him?"
I shook my head, heart rate rising. Usually, when I was mad or upset I removed myself from all means communication. Planned, meticulous and orderly: that was how I worked even when I was emotional. Tonight might not have been so smooth. I handed Sophie my phone.
She typed in the code and went straight to my messages. "You've told him it's over?"
I nodded.
"And that's it. No explanation, just, "I afraid this isn't going to work out. Alice will be your main contact for the ball and I wish you all the best."? What the fuck, Vanessa? You can't break up with the man you love like that!"
"I never said I loved him!" My mouth remained open but no more words came out.
"So you were moving in with a man you didn't love?"
"I... I..."
"Oh, fuck off, Vanessa. I am so mad at you right now. And I feel so sorry for him." She looked at the responses he'd sent. I'd memorized them and remembering the words made my eyes fill up again.
Jackson: What? I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Jackson: Are you breaking up with me? That's what I'm getting from your text.
Jackson: What did I do, Van? I swear, let me put it right. I know I can be a dick sometimes and get bossy and cranky but I can fix things. What have I done?
Jackson: Have I hurt you? I swear to god, I wouldn't do anything to make you cry, unless it's with laughter.
Jackson: Please will you phone me or just text me back and tell me why? I'll head straight back to London – I can rearrange tomorrow's meetings.
Jackson: Okay, you're not responding. I don't want to keep pestering you as you clearly don't want to talk. Just know that I'd do anything to make whatever I've done right. Please contact me when you're ready.
I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say anything. I just wanted to bury my head in work until this goddamn ball was over and I didn't have to have anything to do with the Callaghans again.
Sophie switched the kettle on, blustering around the kitchen and brandishing a frying pan before putting it away. "It's a misunderstanding, Vanessa," she said after a few minutes. "But if you don't talk to him you will lose him. Imagine never being with him again. Imagine never going to his house or meeting him after work for a meal or being able to text him at one o'clock in the morning because you can't sleep. Imagine him looking at another woman the way he looks at you."
"I can't," I said, surprised more tears weren't thundering down my face.
She poured the water into a teapot. "You can. You're just scared. My friend, Vanessa, the bravest, most courageous girl I know with more sass and ambition than anyone else in our halls of residence is scared because she's not from a rich family." She took out one mug, an act that wasn't lost on me. "You're an inverted snob. Because someone has money and yes, they might have the connections, you think they're below you because they've not had to fight as hard as what you've had. And yes, for some people, that's probably right, but that's like saying everyone from New York drinks in coffee shops all day, just because that was what happened inFriends."
"You're saying I'm being stereotypical."
"I'm saying you're being judgemental as it's a way to stop people from getting close to you and risking yourself being hurt." She poured her tea. "I'm not going to speak to him. I want to, because he doesn't have a fucking clue what he's done wrong and that makes me mad, but you're my best friend and I'll always take your side, even when I disagree with it." She went off to her room, leaving me staring out of the window, looking over London and wondering what Jackson was thinking now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jackson
I didn't sleep Thursday night, staring at my phone and willing it to ring or to see a text from Vanessa, but nothing came. Part of me wanted to hire a car and go to her, check everything was okay as scenarios kept flying through my mind that she'd been kidnapped and was in trouble but the rational part of my brain informed me that if that was the case, I'd have heard from Sophie or one of my siblings or even on the news.
