He tried to stop her leaving, of course, but she pointed me out and I lip read the word 'friend' before he returned his attention to his drink, then cast me an appraising look. I was wearing a short-sleeved shirt which was white so my tattoos looked prominent. My hair was tied up, partly to annoy Max and partly because it was Friday and I didn't need to look like I ran one of the top law firms in the country at that moment in time.
"Who was that?" I may have been able to modify my behavior but the words out of my mouth were unfiltered.
"Someone who's about to keel over dead because of the way you've been looking at him for the past fifteen minutes," she said, not looking at me. I thought I'd been subtle. Clearly not. "Why aren't you talking to Claire?"
"I didn't want to cock block her."
"But you didn't mind cock blocking me?" Her lips were painted red and it was killing me.
I downed the whiskey in one. The burn was exactly what I needed. "Were you interested in his cock?" I stared at her to see her reaction.
"I might have been."
"Go speak to him then. I saw Maxwell come in about five minutes ago. I'll leave you to it." I got down off of the bar stool and picked up my beer, completely calling her bluff.
Her hand grabbed my bicep firmly. There was nothing weak about this woman. "I'm not." She still held me.
"Not what?"
Her eyes glimmered, warring with mine. "Interested in his cock."
"Whose cock are you interested in then?" I sipped at my beer, holding her eyes with mine.
"Fuck you."
"And exactly how would you like to do that?" I leaned over and whispered into her ear as Claire had abandoned her potential suitor and was making her way over to us along with Maxwell. She turned, her back to the bar and released her grip on my arm. She was standing close enough so my hand could brush against her side without it looking purposeful.
"Please tell me you weren't falling for Liam's chat up lines?" Claire said to Vanessa. "He's got good delivery, I'll give you that and a decent sized penis but he's not that sure what to do with it."
Maxwell took a step back and looked as if he'd just stepped into a different dimension where he was even less comfortable than usual.
"You've been there?" Vanessa stared at Claire. "I wouldn't have thought he's your type."
I didn't really want to know what Claire's type was. There were some things a brother didn't need to know.
"He isn't. But he was a better prospect than my vibrator one Saturday night and he'd been persistently trying for several months so I thought why not? A few hours later the question was just why."
There were definitely some things a brother did not need to know.
Vanessa laughed and I realized she was empty-handed. "Let me buy you a drink. Cocktail?" I asked her, keen to steer the conversation away from both my sister's hookups and her vibrators.
"Pick me something," she said, surprising me.
"What about me?" Claire asked. "I'll have a margarita. I'm not letting you choose me a drink. You'll probably pick one with egg whites and added protein powder."
"Mine's a virgin Mary," Max said. "Extra spicy."
"And that's the only virgin you'll be having tonight," Claire glared at him. "And the spiciest thing you'll come across. Did you never see any other positions in Jackson's porn collection except missionary?" Claire smiled, not even trying to conceal the evil. Shortly after she turned nine she tried to decapitate Max and I on several occasions and using several different methods. We did suggest to our father and Marie that they might want to consider taking her to Battersea Dogs Home and having her rehomed, or even better, humanely euthanized as she posed such a risk to others, but we were told that it wasn't an option.
"That's reminded me," Vanessa said, reaching into her purse. I grinned, suspecting what she was going to produce. "A gift, for you. It's to broaden your music collection so it's not just Ed Sheeran. I've suggested a list of bands that might inspire something other than vanilla in the bedroom."
Max took the voucher and looked at the list. "Closer by Nine Inch Nails," he reads out. "Interesting." He eyeballed me, smiling. Unfortunately, we were in a public area and I couldn't risk punching him right then.
"Don't you fucking dare," I said, the bartender finally coming over. Max had been repeatedly teased about his lack of variety in the position department since he was sixteen and lost his virginity to one of Claire's friends. Unfortunately for Max, the girl was a lot more experienced than him and duly analyzed his performance to her friends, including Claire, one evening several months later.
"I believe 'Closer' is one of Jacks' favorite songs. It goes some way to explaining what I think he wants to do to..."
A tall blonde I recognized as being the daughter of one of my father's friends was standing next to the bar. "Isn't that Lauren Standish?" I interrupted my brother, nodding in her direction.
