Especially when you’re trying to talk about that specific person’s betrayal and they’re currently violating your mind without permission.
I’m pretty sure we collectively experienced that wholedon’t think about white elephantsphenomenon. Where whatever you don’t want to think about becomes theonlything going round and round in your head. Except, for us, it wasdon’t think about Ember or the vampires or how damn hurt you are over his actions.
And, of course, those thoughts were the only ones that kept creeping back into my head.
I tried and failed to think aboutnothing.Emptying my mind and imagining blank slates or white walls did absolutely nothing to help. My brain kept looping back to how hurt I am, how exposed I feel right about now.
How much I really, really don’t want him inside my shitting head.
It’s like nothing is safe to think of.
My thoughts, feelings, memories, they’re all exposed like a live wire or an open wound. And Ember’s rooting around in them all, not noticing the damage he causes.
I think we were all collectively too drained and exhausted to fight the invasion, and it meant we split off pretty quickly. My family headed up to the apartment next door to my mages’. The same place I briefly lived in a few months ago while we were working on fixing Fabian’s curse. It only has two bedrooms, but I think everyone was feeling kind of raw and they were all happy enough to be living on top of each other rather than splitting up.
Zeph and I headed next door, leaving Seb and Roscoe to spend the night in the med bay.
Fabian refused to join us. I don’t know if he has more work to do, but he was looking fit to drop when we left him with Roscoe. I couldn’t bring myself to drag him upstairs, either. Too cowardly about what I might have seen when he finally gave me his attention.
Part of me is terrified that our moment from earlier tonight will be just another one-sided memory.
I’m also shit scared that he’s changed his mind about me, having witnessed the mess in the reception hall. While it didn’t faze Dante, the tether between Fabian and me has grown tattered. To him, we’ve barely known one another for a few weeks. It would be more strange if he wasn’t at least abitweirded out about seeing me puppeteering dead things.
It’s one of the many things I’ll deal with in the morning. Right now, I feel like I’m snatching all the peaceful moments I can get because everything is bound to kick off as soon as dawn comes.
Once the apartment door snaps shut behind us, it’s as though Zeph’s controlsnaps.
He keeps one hand on my hip, steering me through the apartment until we’re in his bedroom. Once inside, he shuts the door with his foot, turning to me with predatory intent.
His eyes are dark and focused on mine, like there’s nothing else that exists in the world beyond the two of us. Then pushing me up against the door, he stares down at me, looking every inch a feral beast whose leash is barely holding him back.
He presses his forehead to mine for just a moment, and I can feel him shaking. He needs a release from all the built up emotions from tonight, that much is clear. A way of channeling the roaring emotions from tonight that seem to be threatening to pull him under.
I know exactly what he’s experiencing, because I feel it too. There’s a buzzing beneath my skin that I’ve been trying to ignore since I threw myself at Dante, hours ago. It’s restlessness mixed with brutal exhaustion and I know there’s no way I’d sleep right now, even if I tried. Too many thoughts are rattling around in my head.
“Zeph,” I say his name on a soft exhale of breath. “What do you need?” I ask, my voice huskier than normal.
“You,” he growls out the word before his lips collide with mine.
The kiss is aggressive, a battle—not between the two of us, but between Zeph and his barely leashed wildness. He pushes his enormous body against me until all I can see and feel is him. He kisses me long and hard, his tongue tangling with mine before pulling back for a moment to meet my eyes.
I reach up and nip his bottom lip, silently telling him to give me all he’s got.
I think it’s what we both need right now. A way of channeling the emotions threatening to eat us both alive.
He nods. “Only if you’re certain you know what you’re asking for, Little Witch. I can’t be gentle right now.”
Snorting, I tug him closer and pull him into another deep kiss. One that tells him I feel him right the way down to my soul, that something deep inside me understands the parts of him he tries so hard to keep tucked away. I want him to trust me enough to give me all of them.
I know it’s a big ask. Zeph keeps so many pieces of him tucked away so they never see the light of day. But maybe one day we’ll get there.
“I’m sure. I need you, Zeph.”
He closes his eyes for a moment at my words, taking a deep shuddering breath before tearing my shirt over my head. I kick off my boots and he grumbles as he tries to himself as he struggles to pull my pants down.
“Why are there so many buttons?” he mutters against my mouth. I try not to smile and barely stifle a chuckle.
There are two buttons. Two.
