My throat goes lumpy and tight as he struggles with the final few words, squeezing my hand for emphasis.
“We want you to be happy, Echo, even if that’s not with us.” He pauses and nods to himself, like he’s mentally deliberating something. “Just… do me a favor, yeah? Don’t think that just because Soren isn’t here right now, or because he doesn’t know the right words to say to you, that he doesn’t care. Because he does.”
I swallow a few times, because all of this isa lot,and it’s overwhelming. “You said that me and Finn could go anywhere. You and Soren wouldn’t come too?” I ask. “Not that I’m planning on it. I just need to understand so I can process all of this.”
“Soren is a reaper,” Brogan says simply. “It’s a huge part of his identity, and I don’t think he would ever abscond from his garden or from his duty there.”
“And you?” I have to ask, even though I’m pretty certain of the answer.
“I won’t abandon him.” He smiles sadly. “I might not follow Soren around meekly, but Iamhis hound and I’m loyal to Soren. I’m loyal to you too, of course, babe, but—”
“I understand.”
It warms my heart to know that after what sounds like an incredibly lonely first few decades of his life, Soren now has someone by his side who will always stick by him.
I want to say that I’ll be right there on his other side, just as loyal and constant, that the thought of never having the freedom to use my weaver powers to go wherever I choose doesn’t fill my gut with discomfort. I open my mouth, wanting to reassure Brogan I don’t plan on running off anytime soon, but he stops me with another of those heartbreakingly sad smiles. Like I’m hurting him without even really meaning to, but he understands.
It’s a punch to the gut. He just wants me to be happy and here I am, unable to do the same to him and put my self-interest aside for the sake of my mates’ happiness.
“Take some time, babe. Mull it over and let us know what you decide. We’ll support you, whatever it is.”
I nod because I don’t know what to say. But once again, Brogan comes to my rescue. Clearing his throat, he brushes this whole conversation off, not dwelling on any of the emotions he must be feeling right about now.
“Right. Shall we try to find Leif, then?”
21
Brogan
Iused to think I was a pretty chill guy. You grow up where I did, in a town surrounded by all kinds of shifters—a mismatched mix of bears, foxes, wolves, hounds, and yeah, it was a rowdy upbringing and you kind of learn to just go with the flow.
And girls? Women? Yeah, the other thing about shifters is that they love to fuck. We mostly keep it casual so that we can give in to our need to cuddle and touch, as well as giving in to our more animalistic sides. But none of it ever meant anything. It was all fun and a way to pass the time, to fill a void.
And then I joined Soren’s garden and I’ve spent a lot of nights alone. Only indulging my needs every so often, when we head off to reap a soul. But while it was fun to begin with, seeing how quickly I could find someone and fuck their brains out while protecting Soren and the soul he was set to reap, it got old pretty fast.
Mates are a whole different ball game, though. Serious shit. And this whole thing where I tear my heart out and leave it at a beautiful woman’s feet, waiting to see if she picks it up in her dainty fingers or boots it out the way so that she can continue making her own path, it’s a terrifying turn of events.
Fuck. I’m sweating and my heart feels weird and fluttery. There’s a strong chance I am actually having a heart attack.
I really just laid it all out there for her, and there’s a chance that I’m already regretting my pledge to stay loyal to Soren. A lot of days, I’d rather get punched in the face than spend any time with him, especially when he’s in a pissy mood. So why the hell am I gambling on a future spent with my mate to stay with him? I’m essentially choosing him over her, and that makes me feel sick and twisted up inside.
Choosing his snarly remarks and grouching over traveling through the worlds, eating all the foods with my mate at my side.Taking her to bed every night and watching as her eyes glaze over with desire as I fuck her into the mattress and see exactly how many orgasms I can wring out of her before she passes out. And then waking up with my body wrapped around hers, getting to see her beautiful eyes first thing in the morning.
Basically heaven.
Fuck. I’m an idiot.
As a young pup, I remember the looks my father would shoot my mom. It didn’t matter whether or not or not she was looking his way. He’d have this look of pure devotion and joy on his face, like he couldn’t help but light up the moment she came into the room.
And the two of them weren’t even fated mates, they were just two people that met and fell in love and continued to experience a depth of feeling for one another that most people can only dream of. At least, until I was ten years old and my father had an accident on a hunting trip and never came home.
My mom’s not looked at another man since he died. I mean, maybe things have been different over the past few years while I’ve been living here in the garden, but I doubt it. I used to think that it was kind of silly, that after a few decades she could at least try to move forward, not forgetting him, but letting herself be happy again.
It may sound cliche, but now that I’ve found my mate, I understand my mom a lot more. Even if Echo chooses not to stay with us, with me, I won’t get over the memory of her and how she makes me feel without even trying. How every time she smiles, a little piece of my world lights up.
And it’s because of that same depth of feeling, one that’s taken me by surprise and knocked me for six, that I can’t and won’t shackle her to us, to a life she doesn’t want and that won’t make her happy.
“Uh, Brogan?”
