And I have no fucking idea what I'm doing.
The thought is terrifying. What if I'm bad at it? What if I can't figure out what to do? What if I hurt him or disappoint him or—
I push the thoughts away. Jay might not know what he's doing either.
I just hope I don't completely embarrass myself.
Friday finally arrives. I rush through my last job of the day, a simple outlet installation that should have taken thirty minutes but I finish in fifteen. I clock out early, practically running to my truck, and then swing by the house to pick up my things.
Rosalyn catches me on my way out the door, her hand on my arm stopping me. "You're going back to see him?"
"Yeah." I can't hide my eagerness.
She looks at me for a long moment, something unreadable in her dark eyes. Then she pulls me into a hug, tight and fierce. "Be safe. Call me if you need anything. Anything at all."
"I will. I promise."
"And Ivan?" She pulls back, holds me at arm's length, her hands on my shoulders. "I can see how happy you are. Whatever's happening with him, just be careful with your heart, okay? Don't give it away too fast."
I don't know what to say to that. I don't know how to tell her that it's too late for careful. That my heart is already gone, already given away, already beating in a motel room. That it's been gone for years, and I've only just now gotten it back by giving it away completely.
"I'll be fine," I say, because I can't tell her the truth. "I promise."
***
The drive feels endless, every mile taking forever while stuck in traffic. When I finally pull into the Vista Inn parking lot, my heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my ears.
Jay's motorcycle is parked in its usual spot, gleaming under the parking lot lights. The light is on in his window on the second floor. He's there. He's waiting for me.
I grab my overnight bag from the passenger seat and then walk up the stairs to his door. My hands are shaking. My legs feel unsteady.
I don't know what's going to happen when he opens that door, but I know everything is different now. Everything has changed. We've crossed a line we can't uncross, and I don't want to go back anyway.
I raise my hand and knock, three sharp raps.
The door opens almost immediately, like he was standing right there waiting.
And then Jay is in front of me, and everything else disappears.
Chapter 26: Jay
I've been staring at the clock on my phone for the past hour, unable to do anything except wait. I feel like a teenager before prom. Which is ridiculous, because I never went to prom, never had someone coming to see me because they wanted to.
I hear Ivan knocking and I open the door.
He's standing there with his bag slung over his shoulder. His hair is a little messy from the drive, falling into his eyes. He's wearing jeans and a jacket. Underneath, I can see a dark blue shirt that matches his eyes.
He's the most goddamn beautiful thing I've ever seen.
"Hi," he says.
I grab the front of his jacket in both hands and pull him inside, pulling him toward me with enough force that he stumbles over the threshold. The door barely closes before my mouth is on his. I kiss him like I've been dying for it, like I've spent five days starving and he's the only thing that can fill me up, the only thing that can make me whole. He drops his bag and then his hands are in my hair, on my face, on my neck, pulling me closer, trying to eliminate any space between us.
"God, I missed you," he breathes against my lips between kisses, his words coming out in gasps. "I missed you so much."
"Missed you too." I kiss him harder, deeper, my tongue sliding against his. "So, fucking much. Every second."
He walks me backward, still kissing me, his hands gripping my hips hard. When my legs hit the bed, I fall back and he comes down on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress. I wrap my arms around him and hold on, my fingers digging into his back through his jacket.
