Then Jay smiles at me—that rare, unguarded smile that still makes my heart catch—and we walk back into the noise and warmth and mess of it all.
Epilogue Part One: Jay
One year later.
I'm standing in the bathroom of Rosalyn's house, staring at myself in the mirror while trying to remember how to breathe.
The man looking back at me is someone I barely recognize. Clean-shaven, with my hair combed properly. Wearing a charcoal gray suit that Ivan helped me pick out after trying on what felt like fifty different ones. The shirt underneath is crisp white, the nicest thing I've ever owned in my life. There's a small blue flower pinned to my lapel—a forget-me-not, because Ivan has a sense of humor about these things and wanted to make me cry before the ceremony even started.
In twenty minutes, I'm getting married.
The thought makes my chest tight, makes it hard to pull in air. But it's not the bad kind of tight—not the way it used to get when I was panicking, when the walls were closing in and I needed a drink just to function.
This is different.
This is the kind of tight that comes from holding in too much joy and love. From a heart that's trying to expand beyond its capacity to contain everything I'm feeling today.
A knock on the door makes me jump.
"Jay? You okay in there, honey?" Rosalyn calls out in her maternal voice that always makes me feel safe.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. Just... give me a minute. Just one more minute."
"Take your time, sweetheart. But not too much time. Caleb is about to explode with excitement, and I can only contain that much energy for so long before something breaks."
I laugh despite my nerves, and some of the tension eases in my shoulders. "I'll be right out. I promise."
"I'm holding you to that." I hear her footsteps retreat down the hallway, and I turn back to the mirror.
A little over a year ago, I was living in a motel room with nothing—no family, no future, no hope that things would ever get better. I was just existing, just breathing, waiting for the next disaster.
Now I have everything.
I have fourteen months of sobriety. Fourteen months, one day at a time, one hour at a time sometimes, of choosing to live instead of choosing to disappear. Of choosing to feel everything instead of numbing it all away.
And I have Ivan.
I've always had Ivan, even when I didn't know where he was, even when we were separated. He was always there, somewhere in the world, holding onto the promise we made in that barn.
Remember my name.
I close my eyes and let the words wash over me, feeling their weight. In a few minutes, I'm going to stand in front of the people who matter most and say those words out loud. I'm going to make a new promise, one that builds on the old one, one that carries us forward into whatever comes next.
I take one more deep breath, straighten my tie in the mirror, and open the door.
The house is chaos in the best possible way.
Rosalyn is in the kitchen, arranging something elaborate on a silver platter. She's wearing a deep purple dress that makes her look like royalty, her dark hair pinned up with small white flowers tucked throughout. When she sees me, her whole face breaks into a radiant smile.
"There he is. The man of the hour." She sets down the platter carefully and crosses to me, taking my face in both her hands the way she does. "You look so handsome, Jay. So incredibly handsome. Ivan is going to lose his mind when he sees you."
"I hope that's a good thing."
"It's a very good thing. Trust me." She kisses my cheek tenderly, then steps back, her eyes bright with unshed tears. "I'm so happy for you both. You know that, right? From the moment Ivan first told me about you, when he said he was searching for someone from his past—I knew you were special."
"Rosalyn..." My voice cracks completely, and I have to stop, have to swallow past the lump in my throat.
"None of that now. Save your tears for the ceremony. You'll need them then." She pats my cheek affectionately and turns back to the kitchen. "Now go outside. The girls need your help with the chairs, and if I don't give them something to do, they're going to start arguing about flower arrangements again."
