"I don't want to decide this without talking to you first though. We barely get to see each other as it is on the weekends. And then if we can't even do that."
"It'll suck for sure, but you just spent fifteen hundred dollars on my lawyer. You need to build that savings back up, especially if we're seriously going to be thinking about the future. About Atlanta andeverything we talked about. I'll be fine on my own for a couple of weekends. It's not like you're disappearing forever. It's temporary. I'm not a child who can't be left alone. Plus, I can pick up extra shifts at Betty's."
"Are you sure about this? I can turn it down if you need me to."
"I'm sure. I'm a grown man. I can handle this." He pauses. "We'll still talk every night on the phone, same as always. It's not like we'll lose touch just because you can't physically drive down here."
"But it's not the same as being there."
"I know it's not the same," he says. "I'll miss you like crazy, but I'll manage. You need to do this. Go make your overtime money. Build your savings back up. I'll be right here when you're done with the project. I'm not going anywhere."
I want to argue, but he's right about the money. He says he'll be fine, and I have to trust him.
"Okay," I say reluctantly. "I'll tell Frank I'm in."
"Glad to hear it. That's the right decision."
"I'll make it up to you, I promise. As soon as this project is finished, I'll take a long weekend off. I'll drive down Friday morning and stay until Monday night. We'll have four days together."
"I'd really like that," Jay says, and I can hear him almost smiling.
We talk for a few more minutes before I have to get back to work. I find Frank and tell him to count me in for the weekend shifts.
"You're a good man, Collins. You won't regret this."
I hope he's right, but the anxious knot in my stomach doesn't agree.
***
The first weekend without Jay is harder than I expected. I throw myself into the physical labor, letting exhaustion keep me from checking my phone every five minutes. By the end of the twelve-hour shift, I'm exhausted. I call him that night, earlier than our usual time because I can't wait any longer.
"Hey, how are you doing? How was your weekend?" I ask as soon as he picks up.
"I'm alright, just tired from working doubles at Betty's both nights," Jay says. "How was the overtime?"
"Long and exhausting, but the paycheck will definitely be worth it. I missed you though. The whole weekend felt wrong without seeing you."
"I missed you too," he admits quietly. "But I survived, just like I said I would."
We talk for almost an hour about nothing particularly important, and when I finally hang up, I feel a little better. He sounds okay. He says he's managing and I have to believe him.
The second weekend of overtime is more of the same. Work until my muscles ache. Fall into bed exhausted. Call Jay and try desperately to read between the lines.
But something feels different this time. His voice is flatter than before, missing the warmth I've grown used to hearing. His laughs come slower and sound forced. He's pulling away inch by inch, and I don't know how to bridge the distance when I'm stuck two hours away.
On Sunday night of that second weekend, Rosalyn finds me in the kitchen long after everyone else has gone to bed. I'm sitting at the table in the dark, staring at my phone.
"You look worried, baby," she says gently, sitting down across from me. "More than usual."
"I'm fine, just tired from work," I lie.
"Ivan, you've been checking that phone every thirty seconds for the past hour. That's not tired, that's anxious." She gives me that look. "Is it Jay? Is something wrong with him?"
"I don't know," I admit. "I haven't been able to see him in two weeks because of this damn project, and something feels off when we talk. He says all the right things, says he's fine. But he sounds different. Emptier. Like he's going through the motions."
"You know the twins' birthday party is next Saturday, don't you?"
The twins' birthday party.
