When he's ready.
I hope that day comes sooner rather than later.
Chapter 36: Jay
The room feels emptier than ever after Ivan leaves. The craving hits me almost immediately. I walk to the bathroom on autopilot and check the hiding spot. The pills are still there, tucked out of sight. I don't touch them.
Fuck, I can't fall apart the second he leaves. If I do, nothing changes.
I need to do something productive. Something that moves me forward instead of keeping me stuck. I think about what I told Ivan this morning. About getting my shit together. I can't control the arrest yet, but I can control other things. Small things.
I can work more. There's no reason for me to sit around in this empty room at night while Ivan is working his ass off. I need to find a second job.
Betty's diner stays open until ten on weeknights. They probably need help with dishes, cleanup, prep work. It would keep me busy. Keep me out of my own head. Give me extra money to pay back Mick.
I could walk over there right now, but I stop myself. Not tonight. Tonight, I need to prove to myself I can make it through the night alone without fucking up. I'll go tomorrow during a slow time and ask properly.
I spend the next few hours cleaning. Scrubbing surfaces, sorting through clothes, taking out trash, changing sheets. When I run out of things to clean, I sit down with a pen and paper and make a list of things I need to do.
Call about the arrest tomorrow. Ask Betty about work. Figure out what I owe Mick. Stay sober. One day at a time.
It's not much of a plan. But it's something solid to focus on.
At exactly nine, my phone rings. Like Ivan promised.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself. You made it home, okay?"
"Yeah. Caleb tackled me before I even got through the door. Diana made me help her with math for an hour."
"Sounds like home."
"It is. I missed it." He pauses, probably realizing what he said. "I missed you more, though."
"I missed you too. How's Rosalyn? Did you talk to her?"
"She's good. Actually, I need to tell you something important."
My stomach tightens. "What?"
"I talked to her about us. About you and me."
"You told her? Already?"
"I told her I have feelings for you. Romantic feelings. And I told her about our history, what we went through at the Hendersons, what you did for me."
I sit up, heart pounding. "What did she say?"
"She was surprised but not upset. She said love is love. She's worried about me getting hurt, about you being in a fragile place." He pauses. "But she said you sound like someone worth fighting for. And she wants to meet you soon. When you're ready."
I don't know what to say. I expected her to shut me out, not invite me in.
"She really said that?"
"She did. She's great, you'll see for yourself when you meet her. There's no rush. Whenever you're ready."
"When I've got my shit together."
