“Eric never gave me any indication that he liked me. He was just nice—and one time I guess he felt sorry for me, and invited me to build snowmen, which my father ended up chewing me out for anyway, so it wasn’t even worth it. Eric has always kept his hands to himself, he’s never flirted or anything, he’s just… nice. And I thought it was better to have a nice gentry husband than a cruel one.”
Asta stares at me, blank, for a long moment.
Then she nods, faint, and her hum is curt, but it’s light like bells, and I see the trace of an almost smile on her lips.
She eats up my lies.
I don’t give her a moment to stall again, to ask another question, to speak another word, not before I’ve kicked away from the sink.
“I mean it,” I say to her as I start for the door. “I don’t want to hear about this again.”
Before I can reach the door, she says, “Well I have one more question, then. I better ask it now.”
I turn around to face her, my lashes low over my unenthused glare. “What?”
“Why did he ask you to stay back after class?”
I was right.
Serena talks too much.
“Because my assignment was good for once.”
The lie comes easy, smooth, and I hope that if she asks him, he gives a similar answer. But maybe she doesn’t grill him aboutme, maybe she’s scared to come on too strong, so she swerves it all at me.
I take a backstep. “He congratulated me—then asked if I still need the tutoring. Probably the exam stress getting to him, and he wanted an out.”
“What did you say?” she asks.
“I said I don’t need a tutor.” Another backstep, and I reach for the door handle. “Are we done?”
Her nod is brisk, her smile pinched, like she can’t let herself break out into a grin in front of me.
Her relief is obvious.
And I couldn’t care less about it.
I leave her without another word.
My steps take me through the corridor, down the staircase to the atrium, but instead of turning for the mess hall, those last few minutes it’ll be open for breakfast, I turn right.
In slacks, a shirt and a cashmere cardigan, I go through the doors of the academy.
My boots crunch on the slushy path all the way down to the stream.
I drop onto a boulder and watch the foamy waters rush over rocks.
I drop to the cold earth and I just sit here.
For how long, I don’t know.
Time passes, it’s hard to track, but my mind is a whirl of chaos, stuck.
Tumbleweed, frozen in place.
If the chaos thawed, I might be able to peel apart the threads and consider them one by one.
Dray’s offer on my contract should never have been accepted. Not after I told my father the truth about him. But he signs me away so easily to the highest bidder.
