Pure and simple…I made a bad, emotional decision that she had no part in.
She was a child.
Fuck! I really hope she doesn’t wallow in guilt over this.
The only thing I really want is for my sister to be happy.
If I could just see that happen in the future, spending the rest of my life in prison wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
If she’s eventually willing to forgive me, I’ll always be there for her, even if I’m behind bars.
I swiped a tear from my cheek as I closed the journal for the last time and put it back on the coffee table.
Maybe I’d store the journals or give them to Tanner if he wanted to read them, but I was never going to open them again.
God, even my brother knew that I was going to wallow in pain because I was always so willing to shoulder guilt and shame, even when I shouldn’t.
I laid my head back on the sofa and closed my eyes.
Tanner had mentioned how much Cole had changed since we’d met.
I could say the same about myself.
I wasn’t really that woman who blamed herself for everything and thought she wasn’t worthy anymore.
I’d just let myself fall back into those habits because of the shock of learning the truth about my brother.
I wasn’t self-conscious or unhappy with my body anymore.
I accepted who I was and had found plenty of things that I liked about myself.
The new me had so much to do with Cole coming into my life.
I’d learned to accept who I was because Cole had taught me that I was worthy of affection.
I accepted my body because he lusted after it and had shown me just how incredible passion and desire could be with the right man.
He’d taught me how amazing a good relationship could be.
Cole Remington was my soulmate, and maybe that was true for a reason.
We both knew how crappy life could be when you were alone.
We both knew sorrow and loss, so we understood each other so well that it was scary.
Cole was my person.
And it was killing me not to be with him right now.
Me pulling away from him when I was scared and confused had hurt him, and I hated that worst of all.
I opened my eyes and looked down at the key that was still in the palm of my hand.
My trust in Cole was stronger than my sometimes-irrational fears.
I’d just forgotten that when I’d gotten so mentally distressed and so damn afraid of losing him.
The pull to see him, to be close to him, was suddenly impossible for me to resist.
