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Just Until You Love Me

Page 136

by Carrie Elks

“So did West, by the looks of it,” Bennett says, his eyes wide as he stares at the penis inflatable.

I turn to look at him. Sweet, lovely, almost ex-con Bennett. Who risked his family for mine. I hug him tight, because I don’t know what’s going to happen next, but this boy-man and I have an unbreakable bond.

“Thank you. For everything,” I tell him.

“No,” he says, his voice sounding deeper than I remember it being. “Thank you. For letting me be part of something.”

“Why are you two acting like you’ll never see each other again?” Autumn asks. “Neither of you are going anywhere.”

Bennett and I exchange a glance. We don’t know that for sure. I don’t know anything right now. With one win at poker, everything feels up in the air again.

It feels the same as losing, if I’m honest. And I hate it.

“So, ah, I’d better get West’s car back before I end up with another grand theft auto charge,” Bennett says, stuffing his hands into his pockets and turning to walk to the Aston Martin.

“Another?” Autumn mouths at me.

I shrug. What he did in the past doesn’t matter now.

“Bennett,” I say, right as he reaches the car.

“Yup?”

“Please look after him. He needs somebody he can trust.”

He looks at me for a long minute, then smiles. “Funny, that’s exactly what he said about you.”

The engine starts, and Autumn leads me inside, kicking aside some balloons. “I got the pastries. I was at Mylene’s when Parker called and said you were coming here.”

“I’m not hungry. But thanks.”

I sit down at the kitchen island and lower my head into my hands. And then I think about him again. The way he looked when I walked away. The absolute pure devastation on his face.

“You should talk to him,” Autumn murmurs. I shake my head, my face still against my palms.

“Why not?” she asks. “I know you love him. You just sacrificed everything for him.”

“Because love doesn’t matter if he keeps hiding everything from me. It’s not just this. It was Leona, Selena. Everything. I can’t keep hurting like this. I just can’t.” My voice breaks, and Autumn lays her hand against my back.

“Do you know how long it took Parker to tell me about his childhood?” she asks me.

“How long?”

“Way too long. And before he did, he walked away from me. Said he didn’t want to taint me or some crap like that. Whatever.” She shrugs. “I made him pay for it.”

My chest hitches. “I bet you did.”

“West…” she trails off. “I guess we all thought we knew him but we didn’t, not really. He has this veneer of everything being okay. I guess he had to with how he grew up. Like a shield to protect himself, especially after Leona. But he let it down. For you. Not all of it. Who would at the snap of a finger? Somewhere in him is still that little boy who feels unworthy and unloved. But he still did drop it just a little.”

“And then he put it back up again,” I whisper. “I felt so alone.”

“I know you did. But you know what? He’s a human, like the rest of us. He makes mistakes. He has to learn. Each time, he let’s it down a little more.” She leans in to hug me. “And the person he did it for? That was you.”

My stomach twinges, because there’s truth in her words. He trusted me enough to show me who he really is. Not the shiny easy-go-lucky laid back man everyone else sees.

He was grumpy for me, and nobody else. And weirdly, I loved him for it.

And then I pushed him away. The way his family always did. I abandoned him.