Slowly, I reach out and brush my fingers against his hand.
Nothing.
I curl my fingers around his, testing for any reaction at all.
“Markev,” I whisper again, as gently as I can manage.
His head snaps towards me so fast it almost makes me flinch.
He is looking at me, but it feels as if he is not really here at all, his expression is empty, his eyes are black and so lifeless it makes my chest tighten.
As I hold his gaze, I wonder if this is what I look like too, if this same blankness is what the world sees whenever I disappear into one of my episodes.
He keeps watching me without moving, and I squeeze his hand gently. “It’s okay,” I tell him quietly. “You’re not there. You’re safe.”
His eyes remain distant for a second longer, lost somewhere I can’t reach, and then they finally begin to shift, focus slowly returning, confusion, and then…pain.
I breathe a little easier.
He looks so vulnerable. It is so unlike him that it almost hurts to witness.
I lift my hand and touch his face, and he leans into it.
“What happened to you?” I ask softly.
He studies my face, and we just stand there for a while, neither of us saying anything.
When he finally speaks, his voice is gravelled.
“What happened toyou?”
I give him a tired smile.
“I think,” I say quietly, “the same thing that happened to you.”
Chapter 36
Octavia
I don’t look away, and I don’t know what comes over me. I only know that I lift onto my toes, close the distance, and crush my mouth to his.
He doesn’t move at first, caught off guard. Then his lips part, and his tongue slips into my mouth, slow at first, then surer, circling mine until the kiss deepens, and becomes more demanding, unmistakably us.
My hand tangles in his hair, my fingers tighten as I pull him closer. He groans into my mouth, while his hands slide over my body.
“What do you think you’re doing, gorgeous?” he murmurs against my lips.
“I don’t know,” I whisper back, before kissing him again.
“I don’t know,” I repeat, my voice wavering as a tear slips free. “But I want this.”
He pulls back abruptly, his forehead pulling away as he looks at me with an intensity that makes my breath hitch.
“Are you sure?” He searches my eyes, and I nod.
“I need words,” he says tightly.
“Yes,” I say firmly, because fucked up or not, I want this.
