Still, Mam insisted, and I didn’t have it in me to argue with her, so I agreed. I packed and went into town so I could buy a new phone and toiletries. Maybe the phone thing was a bit over the top, but I wanted a clean break, and I wasn’t exactly happy that Pagan could track and spy on me.
As much as I didn’t want to leave, it was the best thing I could’ve done because being so far away from him gave me the clarity I could never get when he was close. Distance gave me objectivity and, suddenly, from the outside looking in, I realized how one-sided our entire relationship had been.
A part of me felt sick that I’d fallen for it, but he was older, more astute, and way more calculating than I was. He played hisgames like a master, and I’d lapped it up because I thought I could handle him.
I spent the weeks visiting Mam’s side of the family and traveling around Ireland. I drank Guinness and did the whole tourist thing, and even flew to Paris for a weekend.
Then five days ago, while sitting on a wall at Doonagore Castle on the West Coast of Ireland, I looked out at sea in the direction of home, and for the first time since I flew out of LAX, I allowed myself to think about him.
I remembered the night we met, and how my stomach tugged when he looked at me. I recalled when he appeared out of nowhere in Denver, put me on the back of his bike, and then proceeded to tell me all about his life and how he wanted to protect me.
I wished more than anything somebody had protected me from him.
I wished my da was here.
And more than anything, I wished I’d been wiser.
Loving him had changed me, and losing him had too. I’d never be the same girl now that the inevitable had happened, and he’d destroyed me, but maybe that was the point. Maybe I needed this lesson to finally accept that the love I craved wasn’t necessarily good for me.
As I’d sat on a cold stone wall, looking out to sea, and thinking about my life and everything I wanted from it, I finally let him go.
“Aislynn,” Mam’s voice called. I looked up to see her standing a few feet away, her concerned gaze sweeping over my face.
I jerked out of my daydream and smiled. “Mam.”
She walked toward me. “Callum’s waiting in the drop off and pick-up area.”
I nodded, my eyes sweeping over her beautiful face. Then I dropped my luggage, hastened toward her, and threw my arms around her neck. “Love you, Mammy,” I whispered. “Thank you for making me go to Ireland.”
Tears sprang into the same dark blue eyes she’d given me and Callum, but she blinked them away, stood straight, and said brusquely, “Well, this won’t get the baby bathed. Come on with you now. Your brother’s waiting.”
She turned and bustled her way toward the exit, dragging my luggage after her. “Come on, Aislynn. I’m dying for a cuppa.”
Smiling, I shook my head and followed her outside and over to the pick-up point, where Callum was leaning against his truck, waiting for us.
“Son!” Ma called.
Callum spotted us and sauntered over, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Welcome home.”
“Thank you,” I said breezily. “I missed you.”
His gaze rested on me. “You okay?”
I winced because word must’ve gotten around. I’d FaceTimed Tristan and Maeve while I was away to discuss colors, styles, and measurements for our bridesmaid outfits, and told them that I’d broken up with Pagan. I didn’t give them the details of what or why it happened, but I was sure they could read between the lines.
“I’m good, thanks.” I smiled. “You looking forward to next weekend?”
“Yeah,” he replied. “The sooner I get my wife down the aisle for real, the better.” He hauled the cases into the back of his truck, and we all piled in.
“Is everything ready for next week?” Mam asked as she clipped her safety belt.
I fastened mine and leaned forward from the back seat, watching as Callum pulled out of our parking spot and joinedthe traffic leaving the airport. “Maeve told me Lexi Meadows has done most of the work.”
“When’s your last dress fitting?” Mam asked, glancing over her shoulder at me.
“Tuesday,” I told her. “You’re coming too, right?”
“Try to fecking stop me,” she clipped. “I need a new mother of the groom outfit.”
