“Guilty? What are you guilty of?”
“Everything,” he confessed as he stroked her cheek.
“Do you see the lights over there?” she asked.
Closing his eyes, he blocked out what she was telling him.“You don’t see lights over there, Chantel. You can’t see anything.”
“Just like you can’t be guilty,” she pointed out gently.
He watched her wet lips part on a soft sigh.
“Don’t let them make a villain out of you. Don’t let them break you.”
He pressed his lips to hers again, knowing what she was trying to tell him, but the truth was that the lights were there. They were coming, and it was his fault.
He looked into her sightless eyes. “You can’t break a man that’s already broken.”
Water swirled around them, and he firmly planted his feet and continued holding her. Her lower body pulled her down as he pulled her up. He refused to let her go. His arms were shaking from the rigid position he had been holding for some time now. Still, she lay there calm, almost resigned, as he felt his heart being torn from his chest, knowing he was watching her being pulled away from him.
He cursed God and pleaded with Him to take him instead, but he knew it was pointless. This could only end one way. As he stood there helpless, he knew that was the cruelest fate of all.He knew how this was going to end, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it.
She had closed her eyes earlier. He guessed it was around twenty minutes ago. She hadn’t opened them or spoken since. He needed to hear her to reassure himself that she was still there, still fighting this losing battle with him.
“Chantel,” he said softly. His throat was sore from silently crying as he gripped her head in his hands, praying he was strong enough to hold her. “Chantel.”
He now stood in water chest deep as the rain hit the back of his neck. All he felt was numb.
“Wake up,” he whispered. “Come on, Beauty. It’s time to wake up.”
Eyes of gray opened. Eyes that held his soul focused as a small smile touched lips of red.
“You stay with me, okay?” he ordered her firmly, trying to keep his voice from trembling.
Those same lips smiled slowly, and he felt his heart crack in two. “It’s too cold. I can’t feel my feet anymore.”
“That’s just because they’re numb,” he tried to reassure her as a shiver racked her entire body again. He blinked rapidly, trying to see her clearly.
“I’m not scared, Phillipe, not anymore.”
Shaking his head, he finally lost the tight grip he had on his emotions. He let the tears fall down his face as his body shook from the soul-shattering pain it was enduring.
“I’m not scared, not as long as you’re here with me.” She closed her eyes and whispered, “The water is much higher now. I can feel it against my chin.” Suddenly, she cried out, “Diva!”
The name broke free from her cool lips with a surprising burst of force.
“You must take Diva, Phillipe. Don’t let them have her. They don’t understand…” Her voice faded as the eyes that held his soul pleaded with him. “She is me, and I belong to you.”
Swallowing in as much air as he could, he pushed out the only reassurance he could now give. “Don’t you worry. I won’t let Diva go, and I won’t leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”
He tried to hold her higher, but he couldn’t make her move, not even an inch.
The last thing she whispered was, “Neither am I.”
As he stood there for the next thirteen and a half hours, the water rose to his shoulders, far above Chantel’s chin, far above where he was able to hold her. Then it fell away, leaving him cradling her in water up to his thighs.
She left him in a peaceful river that turned out to be the most deceptive place of all.
I am still standing behind him as the final words leave his mouth. Tears are streaming down my face, and my is heart breaking for the agonizing loss he suffered. As soon as he turns toward me, his face is etched in sorrow and pain, and his eyes are bloodshot from the tears he’s shed while laying his soul bare. I have no words for him, not one. How do you give a tortured man absolution? How do you convince him it was not his fault when he so clearly believes that it was?
