The harsh reality of abandonment wasn’t something I’d ever considered.Yet here I was, wading in its trenches.
Thirteen
Forge
For the past four mornings, I’d gotten up early, glanced at Elsie’s closed bedroom door, and hurried to breakfast to eat, then leave for my parents’.I had been avoiding her.Today, however, I admitted it and faced the question of,Why was I doing it?
Last night, I couldn’t go to sleep, even after staying out late with Gathe.Normally, I went to sleep fast and slept deep, but that hadn’t been the case after hearing Elsie’s sobbing.I’d stood outside her door, listening, debating on going in there.When I finally decided to, the door was locked.I took that as my sign to leave it alone.
Yeah, she was fucking crying.She’d lost her parents.And my dickhead cousin was sending her a damn letter about some friends breaking up.Who gave a fuck?!She needed family, yet she was without one, stuck here with strangers she’d just met.
Going back to my room hadn’t muted the sounds of her though.They were stuck in my head.
This morning, after finally falling asleep somewhere around four, I only slept three hours and was back to staring at my ceiling again, thinking about my reasons for avoiding her.If I was being honest with myself, it was simply because being around her made me feel something.The caged feeling left me, and I wasn’t so damn angry.It wasn’t just because she was gorgeous.I’d had my dick in a hot blonde’s mouth last night while another one danced for me in the VIP room of the strip club.A beautiful female was easy to find and easy to use.Yeah, I liked to look at her.Who the hell wouldn’t?But it was deeper than that.
Elsie understood the daily anguish that tormented me.She had experienced what I feared the most.Losing my mom.She was a survivor.And she was alone in it.Sure, I had friends and family around me, but every damn day, when I opened my eyes, I felt isolated.Grieving alone.
Oz had Winslet, Kash had Cressida, and they found happiness, being with them.They had them to lean on, share their pain with.
When the nightmares came—ones where I was told my mom was gone or the fucking reoccurring one, where I stood over her and she was no longer breathing—I woke up to face it with no one to comfort me.
I didn’t want romance or fucking love, but I envied them because they had some joy to turn to in their life.A light in their darkness.Me?I had nothing.Just like Elsie.
Her crying last night hadn’t been normal.They were gut-wrenching sobs, and I had felt every goddamn one.Understood it.Wished like hell I could do the same.Maybe then I’d find some relief.
Reading Calvin’s letter to her had caused me to step back.Not get too close to her.She wasn’t my crutch to lean on.If Calvin wasn’t fucking her, I was pretty damn sure he wanted to.And that she may feel the same about him.His little comment in the message about how their friends had messed things up with a relationship, it was as if he’d been trying to tell her something.Point out the chance they’d be taking if they ever moved past the friendship they had.I might be reading it all wrong, but I didn’t think so.
Sitting up in bed, I stretched, then reached for my phone to check the time.I’d been lying here, thinking about shit, for almost an hour.
Mom and Dad were heading back to Texas today.The doctors wanted to see how the treatments had worked, and if they’d been beneficial, she would begin another round.I’d hugged her yesterday when I left and held on a little longer than usual.Her body was too frail to go through more of those fucking treatments.My chest was tight.The caged feeling was back.The urge to break shit, scream at the top of my lungs, and rage was hard to tamp down.
The sound of a door opening caught my attention, and I was up, moving to mine in long, fast strides.I didn’t think about what I was doing or why, but I needed to see her.Make sure she was okay.Jerking my door open, I stepped out into the hallway just as she was passing by my room.
She stopped and looked at me and sucked in a breath.Her startled expression confused me until I remembered I was naked.Shit.Whatever.She’d seen a naked man before.
“Morning,” I drawled as if I wasn’t standing in front of her with nothing on.
Her eyes darted down, then back up and somehow got even rounder.Then she snapped them closed and turned her head away.
A laugh rumbled out of me as I watched her.Damn, she was cute.
“Y-you’re naked!”she pointed out as if we both weren’t aware of that.
“Yeah,” I replied, leaning my shoulder against the doorframe.“I reckon I am.I just got up.”
A shocked gasp or giggle—I wasn’t sure which—escaped her lips.“Wh-why … you’re just …” She paused and took a deep breath.“Is your, uh, you know … is there a piercing on it?”
I smirked.“If you’re referring to my cock, no.There’s not a piercing.There are two.”
Her cheeks instantly darkened in color.I was enjoying this.
She cleared her throat while keeping her eyes tightly closed.“Oh.”
“It’s called a double.Not everyone can get this kind of piercing.Gotta have the right head for it to work.”It was more information than she wanted, but, damn, it was entertaining to see her react to it.
The door across from me opened, and Ransom paused, looking at me, then at Elsie.
“Jesus Christ, Forge.Get some fucking clothes on,” he snapped.“Don’t come out here,” he called over his shoulder to Noa, who must still be in the room.“Forge isn’t clothed, and he’s showing his goods off.I don’t want to have to kill him.”
