“And Kate knows this?”
“Yes. But we’ll get to that soon. When we were young, my parents did everything they could to maintain the ruse. They sent us to different schools, dressed us differently, and would only leave the house with one of us at a time lest anyone see us together and realize they’d been lying.”
Sophie huffed. “But surely they knew they couldn’t do that forever?”
“Father did,” Nicholas admitted. “As we became men, he encouraged us to give up the ruse. Mother disagreed with him and made a scene whenever we went against her wishes—particularly if we appeared together in public. If Father had lived longer, we might have worn down her resistance, but he died in a storm.”
Sophie nodded. No doubt she had heard the rumors. After Theo’s first wife died in a carriage accident, people began to whisper that Theo had done away not only with her but with his father, too, in order to get a hold of the Blackwell title.
“Without Father to support us or to provide protection for Mother against the vultures of society, she became even more conscious of how precarious her position was. As a widow, her social standing was all she had left, and she pressured us not to do anything that might damage it.”
Something dangerous gleamed in Sophie’s eyes. Nicholas didn’t know exactly what she was feeling, but it must be strong.
“It isn’t fair of her to ask you to structure your lives around a lie she told more than twenty years ago.” Sophie fisted her hands at her sides. “You must have given up so much. Why would you go along with it?”
Nicholas shrugged and looked down at his hands. “Theo and I have different interests, and, when Father had first passed on, Theo rarely came to London, so it wasn’t a hardship. By the time we realized how inconvenient it might be, Mother already expected us to obey her edicts.”
Sophie scrambled onto the bed and leaned against the headboard, drawing her knees to her chest and resting her chin on them. “And how does Kate feature in this?”
Sighing, he scraped his hand down his cheek, the roughness of his beard familiar and a reminder of the decisions that had been made for him.
“Theo was miserable after Elizabeth passed. He was lonely and bitter, and I hated to see it. I thought it would do him good to remarry, so I shaved and cut my hair to look more like him, and then I attended a ball in his stead.”
His stomach lurched at the memory of how panicked he’d been when everything had gone wrong. He still hated himself for putting Theo in an untenable situation even though it had all worked out in the end.
“It wasn’t Theo who walked Kate onto the balcony, Sophie. It was me. Nothing happened between us, but our simple presence there was enough to cause…. Well, you know how it turned out.”
Sophie’s lips thinned, and her eyes were full of reproach. “Why wouldn’t Kate tell me this?”
“She was protecting us.”
“But I wouldn’t have said anything. She should have known that. You can trust me.”
He hated how hurt she sounded. “We do. Maybe she was just trying to make it easier for you. If you knew something, you’d have to remember not to say it. If you’re in the dark, there’s no need to be wary.”
She just grunted.
“Sophie, talk to me.” He’d just exposed his deepest secret to her. Surely the least she could do was make it clear what she thought about that.
“I understand why you did it.” She lifted her chin from her knees and scraped her teeth over her lower lip. “Although I don’t think it was fair of your parents to ask that of you. I suppose what I’m most interested in is knowing what you’re most scared of and why the secret is holding you back from marriage.”
He wished he was closer to her so he could take her hand and revel in sharing a connection with her, but she had put distance between them for a reason, and he was going to respect that.
“There are two ways that being with you could cause problems with my family. The first is if we’re caught doing something we shouldn’t outside of marriage.” He gestured meaningfully between them. “The scandal would draw a lot of attention to me, and my mother becomes unstable whenever I’m the subject of attention.”
“Why?”
He sighed. “Because there’s a possibility that while everyone is staring at me, they might put two and two together. On another matter, Theo would be upset with me for damaging your reputation. He cares about you. You’re his wife’s best friend.”
“All right.” She tilted her head in acknowledgement. “And what’s the other reason?”
“You’re the daughter of an earl and the sister-in-law of a duke. Most people would expect you to have a big society wedding. People would be watching us closely, and, as I said,Mother doesn’t like anyone looking at me for too long. She prefers I not receive any notice at all.”
Sophie crawled awkwardly over to him, and his heart rose as she kissed his cheek. “You’ve been a very loyal and devoted son and a good brother. You’ve done more than anyone should expect of you. Surely you deserve to have some happiness of your own.”
He swallowed, his throat suddenly tight. “I’ve made mistakes….”
She scoffed. “Who hasn’t? But you have a big heart, and you care, and you’ve tried so hard. Your parents made a mistake, but that shouldn’t be allowed to control your life. Do you want to marry me?”
